How to Rock Abusive Parents
by Butterfly Kitty
Summary: My name is Stevie Baskara. My boyfriend is Zander Robbins. Kacey Simon kissed my boyfriend. My dad hates me. Why am I not dead? I should be dead.
1. How to Rock a Headache

_Full Summary: You think of Stevie. What comes to mind? Brash, tomboyish, kind of gross. And abused. Oh, totally a-b-u-s-e-d-d. Extra d for "Definitely abused." No one knew, and no one was gonna know. But as Stevie's father makes it harder to hide the marks, Gravity 5 gets suspicious… and knowing them, they refuse to let their friends keep secrets from them._

_00…00_

Stevie's head was pounding. It was a dull throb, something she could live with, but the ache in her head worsened over the course of the day, and between the Perfs' loud singing at lunch (when you're actually supposed to _eat_ lunch) and the teachers blabbing on all day and the bell ringing every hour, by the end of the day Stevie almost couldn't stand the pain. It was like there was something biting away her brain cells in a slow, painful, _teasingly_ way that drove her crazy. And the headache wouldn't go away.

The cause? Oh, the normal. As in, father troubles. He's not that bad, and he only threw a huge rock at her head. And on top of that, he started screaming insults at her, just adding to the throb. And school? Was about as boring and long and_ tedious_ as usual.

Her normally bad attitude worsened over the pain. She mentally face palmed (mentally, because if she really did it she would probably drop dead right there and then) for being so obvious when she met up with her band Gravity 5 that afternoon. She was lying on the couch; Nelson and Kevin were playing _Furious Pigeons_ very loudly; Kacey was texting (it was quiet, but to Stevie every click of every button sounded like a foghorn); and Zander was staring at himself in the mirror. Stevie was lying casually, with her arm draped over her forehead and her eyes closed, trying to fall asleep. It wasn't working. It was way too noisy, despite the fact that one would consider it quiet. So, before she came to her senses, she groaned _veerryy_ loudly. A sudden silence filled the room, every eye on her.

"Are you okay?" was the first thing Kacey asked.

Stevie wanted to say something like "no, _Perfie_! I am most definitely not okay!" but that'd be way to obvious, so instead she answered, "Just didn't get enough sleep. It's fine." Well, it's not a _total_ lie. At least the pain was dulling.

"Oh. Well, let's rehearse for _the gig I booked for this Friday_," Zander said. Kacey, Nelson, and Kevin whooped. Stevie bit back another groan and forced herself to look excited. She winced when Zander strummed his electric guitar though, and immediately the gnawing feeling in her head came back. Her face composed into one of extreme pain.

"Do you have to play so loud?" Stevie yelled.

"What's wrong with you?" Zander asked.

"Again, _nothing_! No thing! I am perfectly fine!" Stevie said.

"Where'd you get that bruise?" Kacey asked, pointing to Stevie's forehead. Stevie mentally face palmed (again).

"Probably just a dirt smudge. I'll go wipe it off," she said, running to the nearest bathroom. Instead of looking to see which bathroom it was she just went in. No one was in it. She faced the mirror, whipped out some makeup, and started covering up her bruise, as much as it hurt. Behind her she heard a door slam, and in the mirror she saw Molly and Grace's shocked faces. **(A/N: that rhymes!)**

"Loserberry! I never thought I'd see you put makeup on your temple, let alone at all!" Molly said. Stevie whipped around, hiding the makeup behind her back.

"Well, _Perf_, surprise," she said. "At least I don't wear a bucket load of makeup and add more every hour."

"Makeup compliments your face," Molly said.

"It's a well-known fact," Grace added.

"Only on you it points out your countless flaws. Now get out of the bathroom Loserberry," Molly said. As Stevie passed her, she grabbed her sleeve and pulled her back. "Is that a bruise?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Stevie answered.

"Right there," Molly said, poking Stevie's forehead with her perfectly manicured nail. It took her every nerve in her body not to scream out in pain, but she stiffened.

"Oh. Must have got it… falling… against the corner of a lunch table," Stevie lied. Molly smirked.

"Right… falling," she said. "I know what your dad does to you." Stevie's eyes widened.

"Wait, we do?" Grace asked.

"Yes, remember yesterday?" Molly said through clenched teeth. She turned back to Stevie. "Your dad, he hurts you, right?"

"Psh, no," she answered, nervously fiddling the end of her jacket. When she looked up again and saw that the Perfs weren't buying it, she sighed. "Okay, how'd you find out?"

"We saw him throw a rock at you. How's your head?" Molly said. Her question wasn't genuine at all.

"Just go away," Stevie murmured, trying to walk away again. Molly grabbed her by the sleeve again and pulled her back. "All right, what do you want?"

"You wanna keep this a secret, right?" Molly asked. Stevie nodded.

"Yeah… so?"

"So we know. And we need a currency for keeping that secret."

"And…"

"You need to do whatever we want for us."

"You mean, be your servant?" Molly nodded. "No! I'm not being your servant!"

"Oh, well, let's start with Gabby Girl," Molly said, whipping out her phone. "Gabby Dawson, here is some juicy gossip for you…" she said and typed in a very slow, teasing manner. "Loserberry's daddy abuses her and her mommy is dead."

"I'll do it!" Stevie cried just as Molly raised her finger over-dramatically to press the "send" button. _God, no! _Stevie mentally screamed.

"Okay, Loserberry, you're starting by quitting Gravity 5," Molly said.

"What?" Stevie asked. "I am _not_ quitting the one thing I have to live for!"

"Do it," Molly snapped.

"Yeah, do it!" Grace repeated.

"No," Stevie spat. "Gravity 5 is the only part of me left, and I'm not giving you the satisfaction of turning me into a little perfect servant!"

"Okay," Molly said. "If you won't quit, you're gonna feed me their secrets."

"Listen, I've gotta go," Stevie said, trying to leave. Molly shoved her back.

"You do not want to anger me, Loserberry," she growled.

"Maybe you should tell that to your butt," Stevie said, pushing past the Perfs and running back to the old janitor's room, where the rest of the band was warming up. Immediately she regretted walking into the room, because it only worsened the throbbing pain.

"Just dirt?" Kacey asked her. She nodded.

"Yeah. Took me a while to get it off though," Stevie said, not mentioning the whole blackmailing situation. Kacey nodded.

"Oh. Well, let's get started," Kacey said cheerfully.

_Oh. This is gonna be a loooonnnggg night._


	2. How to Rock Stinky Brothers and a Knife

_Summary: You think of Stevie. What comes to mind? Brash, tomboyish, kind of gross. And abused. Oh, totally a-b-u-s-e-d-d. Extra d for "Definitely abused." No one knew, and no one was gonna know. But as Stevie's father makes it harder to hide the marks, Gravity 5 gets suspicious… and knowing them, they refuse to let their friends keep secrets from them._

_00…00_

**(A/N:) I am now writing in POVs. **

I had taken some Aspirin and was actually feeling a little better. The ache in my head was now just a slight pain, and Kacey didn't find out about my whole Perf encounter. She also didn't know the origin of my headache, which was really good, considering that it was obvious I was in pain. I had managed to slip into my room and lock myself in without my father noticing. He was asleep on the couch, a whiskey bottle in one hand and other bottles scattered around him. It was disgusting and I knew I'd have to clean it later. I now lay on my bed, my homework strewn around me and my bass guitar was next to my bed, teasing me. I wanted to play it so bad, to feel my fingers skimming over the strings, but if I did I could wake my father and all heck would break loose. I closed my eyes, imagining what Kacey might be doing. Maybe sitting down for dinner with her parents, talking about an outfit she'd been dying to wear, or talking about Fazzini boots, which are all the range. Especially in Hollywood.

My mother died when I was five. She died saving me and my two younger brothers from a fire. My dad never let go of it, blaming us for her death. He soon became more distant, and one day started smoking and drinking. Then one day, the day I turned six, he started using me as a punching bag. When my brothers, both twins, turned six three years later, he started abusing them too. It started with minor cigarette burns and a few bruises, and then it became cuts and several bruises. But they were never on the face until this morning, when my dad threw a rock at my head, causing my headache. My brothers were lucky enough to get away before that happened.

My other two brothers are both away at college. Lucky them.

I shoved all my homework and textbooks off my bed, wincing as they made a sound when they hit the carpeted floor. I was pretty sure my dad was too drunk to hear me, but in a life or death situation (which was always) it's best not to take risks if you choose the game of life. That… made no sense.

I heard a knocking on my door and immediately got into a defensive position, shouting, "Go away!" to who I thought was my dad. The door opened, and I grabbed a pen and threw it like a spear to the person. It hit my brother's forehead. "Patrick John Baskara, you scared me half to death!" I cried.

"Well you hit me with a pen! Now I have a blue mark on my forehead!" Patrick shouted back. I heard a loud grumble from downstairs.

"Shut up!" I hissed. "Do you want that monster to wake up?"

"Good point – no," Patrick said. "I'm coming in." He walked in my room, letting out a loud burp.

"Great," I muttered sarcastically. "Is _nothing_ mine anymore? And can't you close the door?"

"Ooh cool, bass!" Patrick cried, ignoring me and grabbing my instrument. He strummed it so off I felt like screaming. A loud, long note rang out.

"Patrick, what is the matter with you?" I yelled. "Dad's surely gonna come up! Why can't you shut up and act your age just for a minute!" It wasn't a question, and suddenly Harry Baskara, Patrick's twin, ran into my room. I repeat, is _nothing_ mine anymore?

"Dad's coming!" Harry said. He was the more serious and lovable twin.

"Okay, you two, in the closet, _now_," I hissed, literally shoving the twins in my closet. "And don't stink up the place again!" Just as I closed the door my dad barged in with the bottle in his hand, probably breaking the lock yet again. That's three times this week. I'm broke.

"Wuzz you doin?" my dad, Charlie, growled, his drunken gaze locking with my ice blue eyes.

"Nothing," I said evenly, even though I knew I was shaking visibly. Charlie could sort of see that.

"Where's your brothers?" he asked.

"Probably at a sports practice," I said.

"You should've died in that fire," Charlie growled.

"Dad, for the millionth time, it's not my-" He slapped me across the cheek with his free hand.

"You're worthless," Charlie said, kicking my shin. I bit my lip to keep from crying out. I had to be strong for Patrick and Harry. "I don't see why Mary Rose saved your pathetic little butt."

"My mom has nothing to do with the fact that you're a monster!" I yelled. Charlie suddenly hit my head with the bottle, the glass breaking into a million pieces. I felt something warm start seeping down my face. I'm gonna need more Aspirin.

"Never call me that," Charlie said, kicking my shin one last time before walking out of my room. I watched the door warily for a few minutes before shutting it and letting my brothers out of my room.

"Yo, St. Patrick and Harry Potter, get out of my closet!" I said, ushering them out.

"Ugh, dude, what did you have for lunch?" Harry asked, waving his hand in front of his nose.

"Baked beans, why?" Patrick said.

"You stink!"

"Aw, Patrick, really?" I asked, wrinkling my nose as a wave of stench hit my nostrils.

"It's my free air release technique," Patrick said as-a-matter-of-factly. "So how's your boyfriend, Zander?"

"He's not my boyfriend!" I cried. "Now, get outta my room so I can clean the blood off my face." The twins nodded, quietly stepping out of my room. I sighed, collapsing on my bed, ignoring the fact that blood was getting on my pillow. Oh well. Just more splatters to add to the collection.

Sometimes I wished I could just end it all. Loose too much blood. Kill myself, even. But that's suicide. I promised my mom I'd live a long, healthy life and never hurt myself when I was upset. In fact, that was the last thing I said to her before she… died. She made me promise. And I am _not_ going back on that, even though I'm not really living happily, and this is barely a life to live.

I loved my mother. She was fun… and loving. A tear rolled down my cheek, and I forced myself not to cry. Crying is weak. Crying is pathetic. And I am _not_ weak or pathetic.

I grabbed my pocketknife from my bedside table, running my finger over the smooth blade_. Just one time_, I pleaded myself. The tips of my fingers ran over the tip of the blade, suddenly exciting me. Then I reminded myself about my promise. Still…

…it would be nice.

_No_, I thought, _the promise. _Another part of me was yearning to feel the tip of the blade on my skin. I grabbed a penny off my table. Heads for yes, tails for no.

I flipped it the coin and it spun in the air, landing soundlessly on the carpeted floor.


	3. How to Rock a Secret and an Abused Cat

_Summary: You think of Stevie. What comes to mind? Brash, tomboyish, kind of gross. And abused. Oh, totally a-b-u-s-e-d-d. Extra d for "Definitely abused." No one knew, and no one was gonna know. But as Stevie's father makes it harder to hide the marks, Gravity 5 gets suspicious… and knowing them, they refuse to let their friends keep secrets from them._

_00…00_

There was no sound as the penny fell to the rug. I looked behind myself, closed the door, and grabbed the bronze coin to take a closer look.

Heads.

I smirked, grabbing my pocketknife, but just as I started to press down on my wrist, there was another knock on my door. I sighed, tossing the knife under my pillow before opening the door. Zander. The last person I wanted to see.

"When did you get here?" I asked.

"Couple minutes ago. Harry let me in. Is your dad drunk? Cuz he looks-" Zander looked up at me. "What happened to your face?"

"I fell into a flowerpot," I lied easily. "Go sit somewhere." Zander picked his way through the mess I call my room, sitting down on my blue moon chair, near a huge mirror. Classic Zander.

"Nice room," he said, eying himself in the mirror. I rolled my eyes, sitting down on my bed and flipping over my pillow, so no blood showed.

"Aside from the part that Patrick was here, it's nice," I said. Zander looked at me quizzically. "He – never mind. No offense, but why are you here?"

"You seemed upset today. I was worried," he answered. I smiled a little, touched that he cared. And then Patrick came in.

"Hey, Steves, Dad says that-" he said, looking up. "Oh. Sorry, I didn't know that your boyfriend is here." He burped loudly. "Beat that, Zander."

"Patrick," I said through clenched teeth. "Zander. Is. Not. My. Boyfriend. Get that through your dense head! And that's just disgusting."

"I can do better!" Zander cried. I looked at him. "But I won't." I went over to Patrick.

"Leave," I hissed to him.

"Have fun hooking up with your boyfriend," Patrick said, walking out again. I shut the door.

"Sorry about him," I apologized, going to the closet.

"Um, why are you…" Zander trailed off when I pulled my cat out of the closet.

"Remember the cat that was in our band room?" I asked.

"Why do you have him?"

"Her. And her name's Lulu," I said, holding the cat close.

"Oh," Zander said. I sat down on my bed, Lulu on my lap. She hissed at Zander, who flinched, and then she looked up at me.

"She needed someone to care for her. I recognized her as my neighbor's friend's cat, and her owner used to abuse her until she got loose," I explained. "Normally I hate cats, but I just have a special connection with Lulu, and she's really sweet once you get past her rough exterior."

"Like you?" Zander asked. I froze. Lulu pawed my arm.

"W-what?" I asked, nervously fiddling with my hair.

"Mmmmrrrooooowwwrrr!" Lulu complained. I started stroking her back.

"You're really tough, but once I got to know you, I realized that you were just kind of insecure," Zander said. I sighed in relief, and Lulu eyed Zander curiously. She leapt down from my lap and climbed up onto Zander's, meowing for attention. Zander laughed, scratching behind her ears. I smiled.

"So what really happened to your face?" Zander asked.

"I told you, I fell into a flowerpot," I answered quickly.

"I know you're lying."

"Mrowr?"

"You can tell me," Zander said, putting Lulu on the floor and coming over to sit next to me. Lulu stalked over to me, and I pulled her back onto my lap.

"No, honestly Zander, I can't," I said quietly.

"But you admit you didn't fall into a pot?" Zander asked.

"Sure," I said.

"Stevie?"

"What?"

"Why do you keep your cat in your closet?"

"STEVANA LYNN BASKARA!" I flinched as my dad barged into my room. I inched a little closer to Zander, but as my dad advanced, holding a steak knife (where'd he get that?) in his hand, Zander wrapped his arms around me, holding me close and pulling me away from my dad. Lulu stood on all fours and started hissing and spitting. "Where'd the cat come from?" my dad accused, pointing the knife at Lulu, who had stepped off my lap.

"Dad," I said. "Her name's Lulu."

"And who's the boy?" my dad asked, pointing his knife at Zander. I got up, hoping he won't hurt him.

"A friend," I said, trying to sound strong.

"Well, boy, I don't see why you're wasting your time with my bratty, ugly, witchy daughter," my dad growled, slapping me across the cheek. I shrank back to Zander, shaking in his arms.

"Never call her that!" he yelled, turning me away from my dad. Lulu went over to my dad, scratching his legs repeatedly. He yelled out, kicking her away and lumbering downstairs. Lulu shoved herself against the door, closing it, and lied there, clawing the rug.

That's when the tears came.

Zander held me as I started sobbing. I don't know why I was, probably because my dad threatened him or because he knows now. Whatever it was, I hated feeling so weak and pathetic. It made me feel insecure. And I am _not_ insecure.

When I finally stopped crying, Zander just held me next to him. I couldn't help but to feel comforted by his presence. We were quiet for a while before Zander spoke.

"So, uh, wanna sleep over my place?" he asked me. I smiled a little.

"Thanks, but now that my dad knows about Lulu, I can't leave her," I answered.

"Relax, we can bring Lulu," Zander reassured me.

"Then, okay," I said shyly. I then got to the floor on my hands and knees. "Lulu!" I called. The cat perked up her white ears and trotted over eagerly.

"Whoa, that cat's like a dog!" Zander said, awestruck.

"She just listens to me," I said, hoisting Lulu in my arms and standing back up. Zander smiled good-naturedly and followed me out of my room. We went downstairs after I locked my room, checking behind us several times, then very quietly I opened the door. I flinched as it made a loud sound, but Zander and I stepped outside unharmed. I let out a sigh of relief, grateful I didn't have to worry about my dad tonight.


	4. How to Rock Revelation

_Summary: You think of Stevie. What comes to mind? Brash, tomboyish, kind of gross. And abused. Oh, totally a-b-u-s-e-d-d. Extra d for "Definitely abused." No one knew, and no one was gonna know. But as Stevie's father makes it harder to hide the marks, Gravity 5 gets suspicious… and knowing them, they refuse to let their friends keep secrets from them._

_00…00_

I'm really worried about Stevie. She's so quiet all of a sudden. I'd promised to shelter her cat for a while, so she can let her dad forget about it. But really, I'm amazed that she was abused since she was six and never spoke about it. She's really amazing.

Stevie, Nelson, Kevin, Kacey and I (in that order and I was to the left of Stevie) were all sitting at the lunch table. Stevie was just picking at her food, really, one arm supporting her head. She looked really tired. And how couldn't she? She was awake literally all night.

"Oh my God, they just released the newest Fazzini shoes!" Kacey squealed. Stevie didn't even look up. I watched as she tentatively raised a forkful of salad to her mouth, opened just enough to fit the lettuce, but then she shook it off her fork, closing her perfect mouth. I tapped her shoulder.

"Sweetie, you gotta eat," I whispered to her. She looked at me shyly before popping a cherry tomato into her mouth. She chewed slowly, almost nervously, before swallowing hard. I smiled. "Better."

"And, like, the shoes have ten inch heels, which are hard to walk in-" Kacey droned on. I could see everyone was getting really bored.

"Kacey, can you maybe talk about something we actually _want_ to hear?" I asked. Stevie smirked.

"Attention! Attention please!" Molly cried, waving her perfectly manicured hand in the air. Stevie's playful smile faded to a look of dismay. "You all know Stevie, right? Stupid, tomboyish girl with no sense of style?" There were murmurs in the crowd, and Stevie started shaking her head, mouthing "no" at the Perfs. Her lip synching became whispering, which turned to mumbling as Molly said, "Well, we have a very… _interesting_ fact about her." That's when Stevie left. She just ran out of the room. I looked at her, confused, and then it hit me. They knew about… "Stevie's daddy," Molly said, "has a problem. He gets angry a lot. And he takes it out on her and her brothers. Yeah, that's right. Abuse. A-b-u-s-e. Loserberry is abused at home." That came before I could even blink. There were murmurs in the crowd of people here. I looked at my friends. Kacey was just plain bewildered, and Kevin and Nelson actually looked up from their games of Furious Pigeons. I got up and went out of the cafeteria, looking for Stevie.

I was really worried. What if Stevie did something horrible to herself because of this? I went over to the janitor's room where Gravity 5 and I always met up, and there I saw Stevie curled up in a ball on the couch. I opened the door, but she didn't seem to hear. I sat next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. She looked up and turned around. Her eyes were red and her cheeks had streaks where tears had trailed down. I pulled her close, and she collapsed into my arms, crying into my chest. I hugged her tight, trying to make her feel protected. She cried for a few minutes before opening her eyes.

"How'd they find out?" I asked Stevie. She avoided looking into my eyes.

"I guess a few days ago they spied on me, and then yesterday they cornered me and tried to manipulate me into being their servant in exchange for keeping the secret. I was going to do it until they brought up quitting Gravity 5, and then I refused," she answered quietly. "And then they wanted me to tell them all of Gravity 5's deepest secrets, and I left them."

"Oh."

"Honestly I didn't know they'd be so cruel," Stevie said. "I didn't think they'd tell the whole school. I really hope the teachers didn't hear."

"I don't think anyone really believed Molly," I said.

"I hope," Stevie said. I took a deep breath and then suddenly everything on my mind poured out.

"Listen, Stevie, I really think you should go to court with this, and I know you don't want to, but you should if you want it to end and I'm not doing this because I think you don't deserve this, I'm saying this because I like you a lot, and I don't want to see you hurt," I said in one rushed sentence. Stevie looked up at me, twisting her brown curls with her finger.

"So wait, that means you like me as a _friend_ or you like me as _something more_?" she asked almost nervously.

"I'm not sure…" I answered in a whisper.

"Oh." Stevie looked down, her eyes trailing the ground. She let go of her hand and it dropped to her lap, and she scooted away from me so she could sit up.

"But maybe I can find out," I said, smirking. Stevie raised an eyebrow, looking at me, and I took the chance.

I captured her in a kiss.

The feeling of her lips on mine filled me with butterflies, but they were good butterflies. They were warm, tingly butterflies that filled me with happiness. Stevie's arms wound around my neck, and I hugged her close.

Our lips, moving in perfect synch, fit perfectly. I started running my tongue over Stevie's bottom lip, and she allowed me entrance almost immediately. Finally, when my lungs were burning, we parted, breathing heavily but happily.

"Honestly Stevie," I said, "I think the answer to your question is _as something more."_

Stevie giggled. Well, _that's_ a first. I checked my watch. We were late for Social Studies, but I didn't care.

"Wanna bail the rest of school?" I asked.

"I didn't know you were so bad," Stevie mused, smirking. And, hand in hand, we walked right out of school.

Just like that.

We couldn't go to her home, or mine for that matter. We couldn't go to a store, or a coffee shop, or an ice cream place. It was only 1:07, too early for teenagers to be seen out of school. So we went to the only legal place for us to be (and the safest.) The park.

We found a nice shady spot under a tree near the lake. Stevie sat next to me. I took a little section of her hair and started toying around with it lazily.

"You know, sometimes I just wonder what a normal family is like," she said, yawning.

"Well you've seen my family," I said.

"Your family is anything but normal," Stevie said. "Cuz your mom was away..."

"Stevie, my family is _divorced_," I corrected her. "And I miss her a lot."

"Oh," Stevie said, ducking her head a little, only to be reared back by my hold on her hair. "What are you doing to my hair?"

"Nothing," I said quickly, dropping the lock. When she looked away from me again I took the snarled section of hair and started brushing it out with my fingers. "Stevie, what's it like having brothers?"

"Disgusting," Stevie answered. I laughed. "But kinda nice. I know I have two little supporters to help me when my dad hurts me, and I help them in return."

"Don't forget about me!" I cried. Stevie smiled. We were quiet for a minute. Then I spoke again. "You know, your smile is really pretty." Stevie blushed.

"Thanks," she said sheepishly.

"Can you smile again?" I asked. Stevie rolled her eyes.

"You're such a sap." But she grinned anyway.

"My family's only divorced because my mom's in prison," I said quietly after a few minutes. "What is your mom like?" Silence. Then Stevie spoke.

"When we were kids, she would always gather us together before the twins went to bed and read us a fairytale. She was the best baker and cook ever, and she always made cookies every weekend," Stevie said softly. "She was a really good mom."

"Was?" I asked.

"She died," Stevie said, obviously trying to hide the crack in her voice.

"Oh," I said.

"Oh God…" Stevie muttered, ducking her head and bringing me with her.

"What the…" I asked.

"Don't look up!" she hissed. I looked down, and watched Stevie's eyes lock onto one woman, probably eight months pregnant (so why was she walking?) as she walked down the winding path. Finally Stevie looked up again, and I confronted her.

"What was that about?" I asked.

"My mom for five minutes," Stevie answered. "It's what my dad does to almost any 'hot' woman he sees. He dates them, marries them, has sex with them, and next thing I know they find out he's cheating with five other women and leave him. That woman was a record. Five minutes before he stuck his dick in someone else."

"Ew, Stevie_, language_," I said.

"Well it's true!" Stevie cried. "And she was the one who dug her unnaturally long fingernails in any part of me she could grab."

"Really?" I asked. Stevie nodded.

"Okay, seriously, what are you doing to my hair?" she asked, grabbing the lock I had been toying with and pulling it in front of her so she could see the long braid I made. "Lovely," she said sarcastically, her bony fingers nimbly unwinding the braid. "I'm sure my dad will love it."

"He doesn't like you looking nice?" I asked. That was a stupid question.

"He doesn't like the idea of me looking happy or like I've been loved," Stevie corrected me, shaking her head so her _perfect _curls bounced. We were quiet again.

"Uh," I said hesitantly. Stevie looked at me. "So, um, are you doing anything this Friday?"

"Are you asking me on a date?" she asked.

"Um, yes?" I said.

"Maybe a movie?" she suggested. I swear I choked on oxygen.

"You want to?" I asked in disbelief.

"Sure, unless you don't-"

"No! I do want to! So, uh, movie and a pizza?" I suggested.

"Sure."

"6 PM?"

"Sounds good."

"Good."

"Good."

"Great."

"Fantastic. I gotta go."

And then she left.


	5. How to Rock a Close Call

_Summary: You think of Stevie. What comes to mind? Brash, tomboyish, kind of gross. And abused. Oh, totally a-b-u-s-e-d-d. Extra d for "Definitely abused." No one knew, and no one was gonna know. But as Stevie's father makes it harder to hide the marks, Gravity 5 gets suspicious… and knowing them, they refuse to let their friends keep secrets from them._

_00…00_

Okay… I have a date with Mr. Hotness. I swallowed.

"Fantastic… I gotta go," I said, getting up and leaving quickly. I could tell Zander was confused. I hadn't been on a date in a year. I have literally no makeup or anything nice to wear, and I am NOT going to Kacey for help. She shouldn't that Zander and I are going on a date. Not yet. Plus I've only ever dated one boy, and we only went one date… that kiss in the practice room about an hour ago was my first. And I'm sixteen. I swallowed again, walking down the road that led to my house as I tried to throw together a mental outfit.

I have black boots… maybe I could look through my mom's old dresses? But what about makeup? I'm really nervous. What _do_ you wear on a date anyway? Should I be casual? Would he understand? Yeah. He would. But I don't want to appear like a filthy street girl, even though that's kind of what I am. Especially in front of Zander.

I opened the door to my house, trying so hard to be quiet. The door let out an earsplitting screech, and I winced. My efforts would've been fruitless anyway. My dad was right there when I opened the door, at the counter, waiting for me.

Well. This was new.

He had this terrifying grin on his face, like he was up to something.

Oh dear Lord…

"Stevie," he "greeted" me. I took a step back, but my dad suddenly had my wrists. Wait, how'd he…? "Resisting makes it worse." Resisting makes it…

"Dad what are you doing?" I asked suspiciously. He shoved his free hand at my mouth so I wouldn't scream. I never do. The worse he does is…

Oh my God, I know what he's doing!

"Dad, don't!" I tried to scream. My voice was muffled by his hand. He smirked and threw me to the ground, and just as I started getting up he climbed onto me. "Dad, please don't!" I begged as his hand made its way up my shirt. My heart was pounding. I was about to become the "girl who's had sex but just had her first kiss a few hours ago."

I tried to squirm away, but my dad suddenly whispered in my ear, "if you want to get through this only once, don't resist. If you do, I will make your life a living Hell." I closed my eyes tight, swallowing hard. I started patting around my hips and thighs, trying to find my pant pocket. My hands grasped my phone, and when my dad wasn't looking, I quickly typed my best "help me" without looking, and sent it to Zander. My dad caught me and smashed my phone against the wall. It shattered. "Okay, you just added another sex date," he hissed, his alcoholic breath making me wince. Zander, hurry up…

**Switch POV Switch**

I was still at the park when my phone beeped. I got a text. I raised an eyebrow. It was from Stevie.

**Gekp ne**

What? I stood up.

Gekp ne, Gekp ne, Gekp ne… I hacked my brain for a possible answer. Any connection, anything that rings a bell… I started walking.

Gekp ne.

Hekp ne.

Help me?

Help me!

Now I'm running. I'm running as fast as I can through the people. God, it must be rush hour. I checked my watch, tripping over somebody's foot and landing on the ground.

2:56.

Definitely rush hour.

I scrambled up, running again. I ran through crowd after crowd. Jeez, I know this is a city but honestly, it doesn't always have to be mobbed, right?

Oh God, was I too late?

That was my first thought when I ran up to the old, beaten house. Patrick and Harry were just returning from school when I got there.

"Something bad happened to Stevie!" I said breathlessly to them. We immediately opened the door. What I saw shocked me. Stevie's dad was shirtless, on top of her, and touching her places, much to her discomfort. It was amazing she was still fully clothed. She had probably been threatened, because the Stevie I knew wouldn't let her father rape her without putting up a fight.

"Dad!" Harry gasped.

"This is how the guys give the girls what they want," their dad said. "Watch and learn."

"Technically I _don't_ want this, so-"

"That's a third sex date! Want to try for four?"

Stevie whimpered as her father started pulling up her shirt.

"Four! Want five?"

"Dad, I just-"

"Five! You must love my dick."

Stevie clamped her mouth shut. I cringed, but suddenly sprang. I landed on her dad's back, bowling him off her. Stevie immediately curled into a ball against the wall, and I glanced over her way. Her brothers were comforting her. Contented, I turned back to the one who caused her so much pain, fury blazing in my eyes as I struck him with my fists over and over. He smirked and his fist flew to my face, but I caught it before it could hurt me.

"Stevie, run!" I shouted. "Go!" Stevie didn't move. "Go!" I screamed at her. She flinched but ran out of the house, her brothers following close behind. I couldn't help but to feel guilty about yelling at her.

"I'm sick of you," her dad growled at me. I gave him one last punch before jumping off him to follow Stevie. Instead, he grabbed my ankle. I tumbled to the floor, my breath knocking out of me.

"Zander!"

The opening of a door. The frantic yelling, the sound of skin fiercely contacting skin. I'm pretty sure I had told Stevie to run, but when I looked, there she was, defending me.

She's fighting her father.

And loosing.

"Stevie-" I said hoarsely. Stevie's dad grabbed her arm and started twisting it in every way possible. She shrieked in pain, tears leaking from her eyes. It was only when I felt the wet splatter of one on my nose that I sprang up, grabbing Stevie's good arm and dragging her away from her father. He threw a bottle at her as I opened the door, and it crashed on her bad arm. We started running from that house, her brothers close behind.

I can barely process what's happening until we've run a few blocks. Then I stopped, and Stevie and her brothers stopped with me.

"Stevie…" I said softly, lacing my fingers with hers. She blinked gratefully.

"We're gonna leave you two lovebirds to make out. We're going to our friend James' house," Patrick said, and he and Harry left.

"I didn't know they had a friend named James," Stevie murmured. I smiled, but then frowned, seeing that her arm was still bleeding.

"Are you hurt bad?" I asked.

"What? Oh, no," Stevie said, glancing at her bad arm. "You get used to it after a while." I pulled off my hoodie and wrapped it around her arm as a temporary cast. "Zander," Stevie said, "It's nice… you know, to know someone cares and all..." I smiled, getting lost in her beautiful hazel eyes.

"I know what you mean," I murmured. Stevie glanced behind her.

"I keep thinking about what my dad was going to do to me…" she said nervously. I squeezed her hand, and she looked back at me.

"It's gonna be okay," I said. "I'll keep you safe."


	6. How to Rock Food and Virginities

_Summary: You think of Stevie. What comes to mind? Brash, tomboyish, kind of gross. And abused. Oh, totally a-b-u-s-e-d-d. Extra d for "Definitely abused." No one knew, and no one was gonna know. But as Stevie's father makes it harder to hide the marks, Gravity 5 gets suspicious… and knowing them, they refuse to let their friends keep secrets from them._

_00…00_

The last time I was at the house I barely met Zander's father. He was there only five minutes then he had to go to his job and didn't come back. I was really nervous, because he had the night off tonight and I was sleeping over Zander's house… again. I would sleep anywhere, but I was kind of hoping I could sleep with Zander again. It was highly unlikely though, because this time his dad was at home for more than five minutes.

For the most part he was pretty nice. But he carried that sense of air that made you shiver whenever you saw him. He looked a lot like my dad, minus the stubble on his chin, beer bottle, ragged clothes, and crazed, lustful look in his eyes.

We all sat down at the dinner table, a huge shepherd's pie in front of us. I just sat there shyly, my hands not leaving my lap while Zander and his dad started serving themselves. I honestly wasn't hungry, after what could have happened between me and my dad. I shuddered, remembering it all.

"Zander," his dad said calmly. "Is your… _friend _hungry?" He spat out the word "friend" like he didn't like me. And what's to like? I got blood on Zander's hoodie (I bet that that made me look suspicious), and to him I probably looked anorexic, with no appetite and how thin I was.

"No thanks Mr. Robbins," I said quietly, playing with my fingers under the table. Zander shot me a knowing look, and I shuddered again.

"I'm laying down ground rules for you two if _that_ is gonna stay over for a few days," Mr. Robbins said, pointedly calling me "that." "First off, all sex is kept inside Zander's room. Secondly, I am not responsible if she gets pregnant." I held back a whimper, but a small one escaped anyway. Zander put an arm over my shoulders, trying to comfort me, but I don't think anything could calm me down.

"You really think me and Stevie would have sex?" Zander asked. "Dad, she-"

"-thinks she's too young," I finished quickly. Zander nodded.

"Right. Yeah. She thinks she's too young," he repeated.

"Okay then. Listen, I'm gonna go get something to drink. Any of you want anything?" Mr. Robbins said, getting up. I flinched slightly, and Zander's arm tightened around me. I looked back at him gratefully.

"No thanks, I'm good," I said.

"Same," Zander agreed. When Mr. Robbins left, he turned to me. "Still thinking about what happened?" he asked me softly.

"Yeah…" I murmured.

"You need to tell someone," Zander said.

"I'm just so scared," I whispered. Zander hugged me as I pushed away the tears threatening to fall.

"So, you _did_ have sex?" I gasped, jumping into Zander's lap and he wrapped his arms around me protectively, but we relaxed a little when we saw his dad standing there.

"Dad!" Zander yelled. "You were eavesdropping!"

"Enough to realize what you did!" Mr. Robbins said, pointing at me. I straightened, confused.

"Wait, what did I do?" I asked.

"You stole his virginity!" Mr. Robbins screamed at me. I whimpered a little, shrinking back into Zander's arms.

"No, dad, I'm still a virgin," Zander reassured him.

"So why…" Mr. Robbins trailed off.

"Nothing," I said, almost pleadingly, shooting him my best puppy eyes. He softened a little. Sucker.

"Stevie's just thinking about the spoiled ham sandwich she accidentally ate at lunch," Zander lied quickly. I nodded.

"Yeah, bad ham. Yuck," I said quickly. Honestly, if I could even get ham from a trash can I'd eat it. I haven't had ham in forever. The only way I ever actually eat (since my dad forbids food) is through Danny Mangos. I work there to get money, and then I buy enough to keep me alive and save the extra for the next day. Danny Mangos doesn't pay well, but at least I can eat… sort of. In truth, the most food I've ever gotten after the fire that killed my mom was one Christmas when I was thirteen. I was wandering the snowy streets, looking for scraps from trash cans, when a boy from one of the houses saw me. He was probably the same age, and I sort of recognized him from school. He grabbed something from a table, then wrapped it in a blanket and opened the door to give it to me. I hid behind a trash can, looking out warily, and he walked halfway there, put the wrap on the ground, and backed away like I was some animal. And maybe I was. But as soon as he went back inside I darted out to grab the wrap and ran back home to split it with the two brothers in the same state as I was; Patrick and Harry. The other two were too busy gorging on a fantastic dinner with dad. And in the wrap was two chicken legs, a container of potatoes, a container of corn, and a container with breadsticks. We split it evenly and scarfed it all down.

"Bad ham…" Mr. Robbins murmured, snapping me out of my train of thought.

"Yes, and since Stevie is feeling so cruddy, can she go rest in my room?" Zander asked.

"Sure. Go ahead." I smiled a little, and walked down the hall, trying to remember which room was Zander's. Was it the far left or the far right room? I went with far right and sure enough, all the familiar posters and action figures ("Man dolls" I called them, to which Zander cried, "They're manly collectables!") told me I was in the right room. I turned to the mirror, staring at myself in disgust. Greasy, matted hair framed my pale face. My arm, the one my dad twisted in every way imaginable, had a very long dried blood streak running down where the glass had cut. My body was pitifully thin, every rib stuck out. I looked deprived, abused, starving, and there was some emotion I couldn't identify in my eyes… it was a wild look. Not quite insane, but paranoid and insecure and… I don't know. But right then, the pair of scissors on Zander's desk looked pretty good.

The scissors reminded me of how close I came to ending it all that day where Zander found out. With the handle of the pocketknife gripped in my hands… scissors were the next best thing, right? Then there was glass, razors… before I know what I'm doing I have the blade pressed down on my arm, blood oozing around it.

And a loud gasp followed.


	7. How to Rock Relationships

_Summary: You think of Stevie. What comes to mind? Brash, tomboyish, kind of gross. And abused. Oh, totally a-b-u-s-e-d-d. Extra d for "Definitely abused." No one knew, and no one was gonna know. But as Stevie's father makes it harder to hide the marks, Gravity 5 gets suspicious… and knowing them, they refuse to let their friends keep secrets from them._

_00…00_

**AN:) OMG, someone pointed out that this chapter was House of Anubis. I am soo sorry for the mixup!**

I spun around, hiding my bleeding arm from Zander, who was standing in the doorway with Lulu in his hands. Lulu seemed to shoot me a look that said; "hey, just because you can't see me doesn't mean I'm not watching you." That made me realize that she was hiding and watching me the whole time. She jumped down from Zander's arms and hopped on the bed, purring in triumph.

"Stevie!" Zander cried. I flinched. His hard gaze softened a little. He came over to me, snatching the scissors out of my hand and went over to put them back on his desk. I followed him.

"Listen Zander, I don't know why I did that, I just can't stand living this sucky life and-" Zander's lips were suddenly on mine. Over where Lulu was perched I heard her "groan." Oh well. Even her moodiness couldn't stop the mix of emotions I was feeling. When we broke apart, we went over to sit on the bed.

"Stevie, never ever cut yourself again. Promise?" Zander asked. Tears filled my eyes as I thought of my mother.

"I promise," I said quietly, averting my gaze. "Can I go take a shower? I feel gross." Zander laughed.

"Go ahead," he said, smiling. I gingerly walked down the hall to the bathroom, grabbing a towel out of the closet before locking the bathroom door. Even though I knew I was safe, there was always the possibility that Zander's father could be drunk and sex-hungry. I shivered, stepping in the shower, checking the door once before closing the curtain.

_My hair was still damp when I woke up the next morning to the loss of Zander's body heat. I moaned and opened my eyes, adjusting to the light around me. Panic started setting in me. Where was Zander?_

"_Stevie." My heart pounding, I turned my head to the right. My dad was there! I buried myself further in the blanket, trying to hide from him. He then took off his shirt. "Stevie," he said again, "let's finish what we started." _

"_No!" I screamed, kicking and thrashing as my dad was suddenly on me, pulling off my shirt…_

"Stevie!"

"NO!" I shrieked, forcing open my eyes. Zander was next to me, his worried gaze on me like a hawk. I immediately launched myself into his arms, sobbing into his chest. He hugged me close like he would protect me from the world. And I knew that if he could, he would.

I can't remember when we fell asleep, but we must have, because when I opened my eyes it was morning and I was still in Zander's arms. He seemed to be my dreamcatcher. I had no nightmares when I was in his arms. He was already awake when I woke up. He kissed my temple and I snuggled closer, enjoying the warmth of his body against the chilly morning air.

We stayed like that for a long time, cuddling under the blanket, until Mr. Robbins came in to tell us to get ready for school. He looked tired, probably why he was so grumpy.

It was then that I realized I had fallen asleep with my jeans and Motor City T-shirt on.

I moaned as Zander got out of bed. Suddenly the air seemed freezing. I grabbed the blanked and pulled it around me, my eyes still closed. I could hear Zander chuckling in the background.

"Stevie, need to borrow some of my clothes?" he asked. I opened my eyes.

"Do I have to go to school? They all know what my dad does to me, and they're probably going to tease me," I groaned. Zander sat back next to me, and I pulled myself to a sitting position.

"I'll protect you," he promised.

"Ugh, _fine_," I muttered, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. "What do you have?" Zander yanked a pair of jeans smaller than his size out of his bottom drawer.

"These fit you?" he asked. I checked the size.

"They might be a little big, but yeah, I'll make them work," I said.

"Okay… how about a Coldplay shirt to go with that?" Zander asked.

"Oh, I _love_ Coldplay!" I said, smiling. "What's your favorite song?"

"I really like _Viva La Vida_," Zander said.

"Me too, but my favorite is _Paradise_," I said, grabbing the T-shirt and running down to the bathroom to get dressed.

A few minutes later I walked out in the jeans and T-shirt. The jeans actually fit fine, but the T-shirt was a little big. It worked though, because I looked totally normal. I brushed out my hair with my fingers, and then brushed my teeth with the extra toothbrush Zander gave me.

"What do you think?" I asked Zander when we met up in the hall.

"Gorgeous, as usual," he said, pecking my lips before going in the bathroom to change. I went to the kitchen, regretting my location because Zander's father was there, staring at me.

"Uh, good morning Mr. Robbins," I said awkwardly.

"Yup," Mr. Robbins said gruffly. I flinched a little, backing away slightly.

"I'm, um, sorry I disturbed you," I said quietly. He came over to me.

"Listen girl, you make a move to fill your little sex needs on my boy, you're gonna have to deal with me," he hissed in my ear. I whimpered a little, and suddenly every wall that Zander took down was being built back up again, and as I tried to step back, Mr. Robbins grabbed my wrist. I tried to slip out, but he had an iron grip.

"Please let me go," I whispered. I wanted to do what I normally did to my dad, which was self-defense and such, but I only had one chance with my boyfriend's dad and I didn't want to blow it. I squeezed my eyes shut, took a deep breath, and prepared myself to be hit.

I wasn't.

Instead, Mr. Robbins talked.

"You will not steal my son's virginity, understand?" he growled. I said nothing. "Well? Girl, speak!"

"I understand," I said hoarsely.

"Stevie? Where are you?"

"Don't say anything about this to Zander," Mr. Robbins said to me, letting me go. I instinctively fled, finding Zander in his room.

"Uh, hey… again," I said, forcing a smile. Zander smiled, kissing my cheek.

"Where were you?" he asked.

"Oh, you know, around," I said, nervously fiddling a lock of hair.

"Why don't we walk to school now?" Zander asked, lacing his fingers with mine.

"Sure, of course," I said, relaxing. Together we walked out the door, backpacks on back, hand in hand.

"So, Zander?" I asked, breaking the silence that filled the streets. Zander looked up. "When did you, you know, start liking me?"

"Well, ever since we met in first grade I've had a small crush on you. It wasn't until I saw this girl that looked a lot like you digging through the trash on Christmas day a few years ago that I realized I loved you. She reminded me of you," Zander said. I froze.

"How old were you?" I asked, sucking in a breath.

"Thirteen. Why?" Zander asked.

"Zander… that girl was _me_."


	8. How to Rock School

It all made sense now. That girl looked so much like Stevie. And there aren't many girls in New York City that are left to dig through the trash for food on Christmas day.

Stevie looked away awkwardly, and I wanted to say something soothing, something comforting. But all that came out of my mouth was "oh."

"You're gonna wanna break up now, aren't you? You're gonna tell the world that I have to look through trash just to get a meal sufficient enough to keep me alive, right?" Stevie muttered. I turned her to me, giving her a kiss on the lips.

"I wouldn't do that and you know it," I said, my voice hard enough to get the message clear but soft enough so that she doesn't get scared. She stood on her tiptoes to reach me and pecked my cheek.

"Why do you have to be so tall?" she said in mock annoyance.

"But you love me," I said cheekily.

"Oh, shut up," Stevie said, letting out a giggle.

"Say it," I commanded. Stevie laughed.

"Okay, fine. Zander Robbins, as your girlfriend I am expected to say 'I love you,'" she said. I kissed her again and we resumed our walk to school in silence. I could feel the tension building up when we got there. I squeezed Stevie's hand reassuringly, and she looked at me nervously. Together we walked into the school and parted to go to our lockers.

Big mistake.

With us separated, Stevie seemed suddenly terrified. I quickly shoved everything in my backpack in my locker, grabbing what I needed and running over to Stevie…

…and the Perfs?

They were talking about something, and Stevie looked like she was about to cry.

"Hey Stevie," I said, "Why don't we go to some other location?"

"Oh look, your boyfriend is here to protect you," Molly sneered. Stevie folded her arms and I put an arm around her. She seemed really tense, but relaxed a little at my touch.

"Shut up Molly," I snapped at her. Stevie flinched a little and I rubbed her shoulder a little with the hand dangling off her shoulder. She shot me a grateful glance.

"Boyfriend got a temper," Molly mused.

"Yes I do. And your pushing it," I said, leading Stevie away from the Perfs. "What did they want?"

"They were just trying to manipulate me again," Stevie answered. "And they have my dad's abuse on tape."

"We can't let them show it!" I cried. "Stevie, we gotta-"

"It's too late," she said softly. "They already emailed it to everyone in the school. Everyone knows now."

"Stevie," I murmured sympathetically, touching her arm.

"I just hope no one believes it," Stevie said. I took my arm off her shoulder and we walked over to Kacey's locker, where she, Nelson, and Kevin were standing and talking. They quickly composed themselves when they saw us.

"Hey," I said to them.

"Act natural," Kacey hissed to Kevin and Nelson. Stevie's eyebrow raised a little, making her look totally cute in my opinion. "Hey Zander, hey Stevie," Kacey said. Stevie crossed her arms.

"So, I was thinking of some lyrics for a new song," she said, "and I was thinking of something a little more deep this time, like a love song, or maybe something angsty."

"Angst?" Kacey asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Sure, maybe," Stevie answered. "Or, maybe a love song."

"Stevie, is it true you're dad hurts you?" Nelson blurted out. Kacey face-palmed. Stevie turned to him, sitting on her hip. My breath hitched. She raised an eyebrow again.

"Maybe it is," she said slyly, a smirk playing on her lips, "or maybe it isn't. Your choice."

"Uh…" Nelson murmured uncertainly. "Kevin, backup."

"C'mon man, give him a straight answer," Kevin said. Kacey slapped him, and Stevie winced. "Owww…" Kevin said, rubbing his arm where Kacey hit him.

"Straight answer? Maybe, maybe not. Choose your pleasure," Stevie said. I had to stifle a laugh, but instead came out this choked, high-pitched sneeze type thing, because I'm a big fail. Kacey looked at me weirdly.

"Zander, what was that?" she asked.

"I have a cold," I said quickly, adding a much exaggerated "Ahh-choo!" for extra emphasis. Stevie giggled a little.

"So anyway. The song lyrics?" Kacey asked expectantly. Stevie seemed to snap to reality.

"Right. I had two choruses written down somewhere…" Stevie grabbed her notebook from her bag, leafing through the pages until she came to one page I remember her writing in last night after her shower. She sang a few lines of the first page, then flipped it to come to another page and sang the chorus on that page.

"Wow, that's deep," Kacey said, impressed. Stevie smiled.

"Stevie, that's amazing," I added truthfully. Her face flushed bright red.

"Oh, we can use them both in one song!" Kacey said. "Maybe we could use one as a verse and maybe the other as the chorus. How about the angsty one could be a verse about a girl in heartache, and the romance one could be the chorus."

"That's a great idea," Stevie said. But judging by the words she used in the angst chorus she wrote, I knew she was thinking of her dad's abuse, but mainly what haunted her at night.

"I know, right? I'm brilliant!" Kacey said. Stevie and I rolled our eyes.

"Well, we need to go play Furious Pigeons, so bye!" Kevin said, and he and Nelson whipped out their games and ran away.

"We'll talk more in the practice room later," Kacey said. "We need to get to homeroom." She walked away with her book-bag in hand, and I laced my fingers with Stevie's. She gave a slight smile at me, and we walked to homeroom hand in hand, ignoring everyone's stares. I could see that it was making Stevie uncomfortable, so, making sure everyone could see, I turned to her and kissed her right on the lips. There were gasps from the crowd, and I smirked against Stevie's lips, running my tongue on her top lip. She wound her arms around my neck, and I lightly flicked my tongue in her mouth, causing a slight moan to come from her.

"What's going on?"

"Are they together now?"

"Yes! Zevie all the way!"

"You owe me ten dollars."

"What's he doing with the abused girl?"

That made me angry, but I didn't show it. I forced myself to keep kissing Stevie and not attack whoever just insulted her.

"Wait, that's the abused girl!"

"What if she's like her father?"

"Zander could die at her hands!"

"What?"

"I bet she does abuse him!"

This time I broke the kiss. Stevie's hazel eyes glimmered in confusion as I marched right into the crowd.

"Listen! Stevie's the sweetest, funniest, coolest girl you could ever meet!" I yelled. The other students shut up and started listening. "Sure, there are some rumors going around about her home life, but just because she might not have the greatest dad doesn't mean she's just like him." I looked over at Stevie. She had tears in her eyes. I wasn't sure if I was saying anything wrong or if they were happy tears. "She doesn't hurt me. I love her." Stevie launched herself into my arms, and I held her tight, kissing her hair.

"I love you too Zander," she whispered in my ear, kissing my cheek.


	9. How to Rock a Movie Date

**A:N) I. Never. Want. To. See. A. Burger. Again. **

Honestly, I'm freaking out. There's nothing online on what to wear on a date to pizza and a movie! Stupid Internet. Normally I'd pour out my frustrations in a song, but A, it'd be weird to write about a "life crisis" like date outfits, and B, Zander would be here in ten minutes to pick me up, and all my clothes are strewn out around me in a hopeless pile that'll take about a half hour to sift through and clean, since most of it probably dates back to when my mom was alive… sure enough I pulled out a shirt meant for a three-year-old, tossing it into the trashcan with a sigh. I gnawed my nails, probably ruining them. I know this really isn't my biggest problem, but I really want to show Zander that I'm not just that girl who depends on the trash for survival.

"Holy crap…" I murmured to myself, burrowing through about five pairs of jeans, finding only one pair to fit. Hmm… they're pretty cute. And they're my only pair that's not ripped or pre-ripped. They're light blue skinny jeans, and that's it. Great. Now I just need a shirt.

I started searching through the piles, yanking out several shirts way too small. I really need to organize myself one of these days. Ugh, there's my ripped Motor City shirt. And I suddenly realized I still had Zander's old Coldplay shirt. Honestly, do I have_ any _good shirts?

Yes, apparently I do. I pull out a purple T-shirt with large flowing sleeves and a pink trim. Totally not me. I tossed it aside, throwing my head back in utter defeat. I stood up, looking in the mirror. Okay, maybe this isn't such a bad outfit. I had on ripped jeans and my light blue shirt with the darker blue zebra print, the exact outfit I wore when Kacey joined our group, except without the beret. Maybe add my dark blue jean jacket to the outfit and I'd either look like the cookie monster or totally hot. Better decide quick, because there was a knock on the door.

I decide to take the risk, dusting my face with a little makeup, and scamper downstairs. I quickly adjust my jacket, shoving my feet into black flats before opening the door.

Oh, thank God Zander was wearing exactly what he was earlier.

"Shall we go malady?" Zander asked, a goofy grin playing on his lips as he offered his hand. I smiled, lacing my fingers with his, and he led me to his car.

"Nice wheels," I said, impressed.

"Why thank you!" Zander said spontaneously. I giggled, sitting shotgun next to him as he started his car. "Okay, just a warning, I only got my license last month, so until we get out of the car, you're my sister."

"Um, okay," I said. "Bro."

"Sis," Zander added.

"You sure you'll get away with this?" I asked.

"Sure, I mean, we look a lot alike, don't we? Just don't make eye contact with anyone," Zander said. I nodded, looking down at my hands. As Zander started driving I stole a glance at him. He was so cute when he was concentrating. I started picking at my nails, trying to get rid of the hot pink nail polish Kacey made me wear for Justin Cole's party. It didn't even match my outfit that day, so why would she pick pink?

"Zander?"

"Yeah?"

"Where exactly are we going?"

"To the theater to see a movie."

"But it's four. I checked the website and no movies are playing at four. The next movie's playing in an hour."

Zander groaned loudly.

"That was a five?" he asked. "Okay, new plan. We're going to my house to watch a movie and I'll order a pizza."

I had to stop myself from blurting out "but your dad hates me!"

"So, what movie do you want to watch?" Zander asked.

"What do you have?"

"Any Tim Burton movie, Crazy Stupid Love, The Breakfast Club…" Zander said.

"Oh my gosh, I haven't seen The Breakfast Club in forever!" I cried.

"Okay, then why don't we watch it" Zander asked.

"Sure, okay," I said. "Wait, why do you have Crazy Stupid Love?"

"Uh… my dad watches it?" Zander tried. I laughed, kissing his cheek. "Hey! That's incest!" he accused me.

"Oh. Right. Sorry," I said, looking down. Zander chuckled.

"You know what? Screw the government," he said. "Let's just go on one calm date, with no worrying. Just fun. And remember sweetie, we love each other, so feel free to kiss me any time you want."

"If I do that we'll get in a car accident," I said with a bitter laugh.

"Any time we're not in the car," Zander finished.

We pulled in the driveway to his house, getting out, and going inside.

"Dad?" Zander called. "He's not here."

"Thank God," I said under my breath. Zander was busy ordering a pizza, when he turned to me with his hand on the speaker.

"What kind of pizza?" he asked.

"I'll eat anything that doesn't eat me first," I said. Zander cracked a wide toothed grin before speaking back into the phone.

"Meat lovers' trio," he said. My stomach grumbled in response, and my face turned as red as a tomato. I really didn't care though, because Zander's seen me in my weakest state. I can be myself around him, and I knew that.

Suddenly, my focus turned to my stomach. I don't think I've eaten in a few days. Well, there was that salad I sort of picked at before the Perfs told everyone about my little "problem." And then there was that turkey sandwich I had the first night I spent with Zander, so I guess I wouldn't say I had absolutely nothing this week. But I'm used to being hungry, so the pain only seemed like a needle (which is the only thing my dad does to me if I'm lucky, still, I'm careful not to let him have any pins or needles.)

"The pizza will be ready in fifteen minutes," Zander said, breaking my train of thought.

"Okay," I answered.

"Wanna go start the movie?" Zander asked.

"Uh, sure," I said, following him to the living room and wondering why I always got so tongue tied when I was around him.

"Breakfast Club, right?" Zander asked. I nodded, sitting on the couch. He slid the disc in and sat next to me, combing my hair out with his fingers. I found it relaxing, but I'd never admit that. I think he knows I'm only calm with him though.

The pizza came early. Zander got up to pay for it after pausing the movie, and I took the time to curl up in a more comfortable position as I thought of how my dad will react when I came home. I know I'll get into some sort of trouble since I'm on a date with a boy. He doesn't like the idea of me being happy. Oh, what if he tries to hurt Zander? I'll never forgive myself if he does. Life can really suck a lot. Only a lot, since I found Zander.

I used to think love didn't exist. Maybe I was wrong.

Zander came back with the pizza, some napkins, and two plates a few minutes later.

"Sorry, the guy wanted extra money," he said. I nodded, just happy he was back. He resumed the movie, opening the box and handing me a plate and a napkin, and we both reached for a slice. He shut the box so the pizza stayed hot, and I slowly ate my slice, savoring every bite. I can't remember the last time I had pizza.

When we were done eating (I only had two slices, and Zander had about four) Zander put the remaining two slices in the fridge, then yawned and stretched out his arms, one of them landing on my shoulders. I knew how cheesy that trick was, but I really didn't care. I rested my head on his shoulder, watching the Breakfast Club completely relaxed.

He broke down my walls and I liked it.


	10. How to Rock My Lousy Sucking Life

**A:N) OhmiGod. I was so pumped to write this! This is the main crisis that changes Stevie's life for the worse. And I had it all played out in my head! It'll have several Zevie moments and angst and romance and… ah, I'll shut up.**

"Stevie, you really need to work on your anorexia."

That was the first thing Zander said to me two days after our date; Monday.

"What?" I asked.

"Your anorexia. You know, when you-"

"I know what anorexia is, Zander," I said.

"Well, honestly, you need to eat more. Have you seen yourself?" Zander said, opening his locker.

"Okay Zander, you do know that anorexia and being refused food are two different things, right?" I asked, hoisting my bag further up my shoulder.

"Yeah, but you never get food when you're away from your dad," Zander said. I dug my wallet out of my bag and handed it to him.

"Look through it," I muttered.

"Uh, library card, school id, what is this?" Zander pulled out a scissor blade.

"Nothing. Carry on," I said, snatching the blade from his hands.

"Money! Okay, one, two, two dollars and twenty-seven cents!" Zander said.

"That's all I get from Danny Mangos every other day," I said. "They're not really dependable."

"So you get two dollars and an uneven twenty-seven cents from Danny Mangos?" Zander asked.

"If I'm lucky. And the extra two cents was from the street," I said. "No one really goes to that place." There was a sharp pain in my throat, but I pushed it away.

"Oh," Zander said, yanking his wallet out of his pocket. "Here's ten dollars. Go buy yourself breakfast." He handed me a ten dollar bill.

"I don't need this," I told him.

"Yeah you do," Zander said, walking over to Kacey so I couldn't refuse the money.

"Zander!" I called, my voice choked with the pain in my throat. I wasn't even hungry for some reason, and all I had over the weekend was a bagel. No cream cheese, not even toasted. Halfheartedly, I pocketed the money.

At lunch, Zander forced me to eat a meatball sub, even though I wasn't hungry at all. I tried telling him that, but he thought I was lying.

"Zander, seriously, I'm not hungry," I said hoarsely for what seemed like the millionth time. For some reason the heat I was feeling was actually making me sweat, but I figured it was just embarrassment.

"Stevie, just eat it," Zander urged me. I took a bite, wincing as it slid down my throat. "See? Don't you feel better?"

"I feel like that meatball's tearing my throat," I muttered, but I don't think Zander heard.

"So, Stevie, I came up with a verse for that song you were writing!" Kacey said, handing me a piece of paper. I read through it, nodding my head. "I'm thinking you should sing it. You'd sound really good. Do you think you could sing this verse right now?"

"Uh…" I rasped. "Can I sing it later? You know, when I've gotten a feel for the song and all?" Kacey, Kevin, Nelson, and Zander looked at me weirdly. "What?" I asked.

"Are you feeling okay?" Kevin asked. "You've been acting different."

"Maybe it's her father!" Nelson piped up. I shot him a death glare and he shut up. Zander put a hand on my forehead.

"You're hot," he said, taking his hand back.

"Thank you," I said bitterly.

"No, I mean literally, hot," Zander said. "I think you have a fever. Tell me your symptoms."

"I don't have a fever!" I yelled, even though my throat was killing me.

"If she can yell like that, she's fine," Kevin said. I sat back smugly while Zander crossed his arms.

"I'm just worried," Zander said.

"Well don't be," I said softly, mostly because my throat hurt, not because I was being soft and gentle. The bell rang. Stupid social studies.

I managed to survive all of school, and when it was finally over, Kevin, Nelson, Kacey, Zander, and I went to the janitor's closet to practice, meaning I'd have to sing, which I was dreading.

Kevin and Nelson were doing some sort of drum run or something and Kacey, Zander and I were actually working on the song. Kacey was suggesting some things on the wording, Zander was figuring out the tunes and I was just going along with it all, writing down exactly what they said I should do.

"This is really good, but maybe it should be more romantic," Kacey said. "It sounds like you're getting raped in this song so far." Well, duh! Even so, I shuddered slightly, and Zander rubbed my arm soothingly.

"Yeah, I was watching the movie 'Precious'," I lied through my teeth.

"Oh, I love that movie!" Zander cried, obviously covering for me. I shot him a grateful glance and he caught my eye knowingly.

"Okay then," Kacey said. "Yeah, and did you know that most people who are raped were actually ask for it through their clothes? They wear see through clothes and revealing stuff and such."

"That's a lie and you know it," I muttered under my breath.

"What?" Kacey asked.

"Nothing," I grumbled, sitting back and folding my arms. I sifted through the contents of my book bag and pulled a cough drop out of the pack I bought with Zander's ten dollar bill. I popped it in my mouth and listened to Kacey drone on and on about what I should wear at the gig when I sing the song.

"Maybe you should wear fishnets; don't you think Stevie would look hot in fishnets Zander?" Kacey rambled.

"She'd look hot in anything," Zander said. "Like that junior angel thing you made her wear for the music video we were gonna do." I rolled my eyes. It was pretty evident that day what he was looking at. Suddenly my temperature changed completely from really hot to chilled to the bone.

"Is anyone else cold?" I asked.

"Uh, no," Kacey said in a "duh" voice. I curled into a ball on the couch, trying to preserve body heat. Zander pulled me onto his lap and I curled against him, absorbing his body heat as he massaged my back.

"Whoa Kevin, watch this!" I heard Nelson yell in the background. He hurled a drumstick in the air and it clattered noisily on the floor.

"Stevie, are you anorexic?" Kacey asked.

"Why'd you think that?" I asked.

"Because you're really skinny, and by that I mean 'too thin'," Kacey answered. I grabbed a lock of hair and twirled it nervously.

"What? That's just a trait that runs down my family," I lied quickly. Kacey nodded, unconvinced. I flinched as Zander's hands rubbed over yesterday's bruise (located between my shoulder blades), and he immediately evacuated that area. I snuggled closer to him, enjoying the warmth he was feeding me, even though a part of me was still icy cold.

"So, you two are like, dating now?" Kacey asked.

"Well, technically we're not in a relationship, we've only been on one date," Zander said.

"And one detailed make-out session in the middle of the hall the day _before_ your date," Kacey pointed out.

"Oh," I said. "Okay then." Zander chuckled softly.

"I guess we are dating," he said, cupping my face and kissing me on the lips. I almost swallowed my lemon-mint cough drop, but returned the kiss eagerly after I regained control of the medicine.

"Guys?" Kacey asked awkwardly. "I'm still here."

"Right. Sorry," I said quickly after parting from Zander reluctantly, but thankfully too, since if I got any hotter I thought I'd explode. It was weird, because just a few minutes ago I was freezing. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom, be right back."

I walked down the hall to the nearest bathroom, which happened to be the Perfs' bathroom. I gaped in amazement for what must have been the millionth time. I never really got over how awesome they remodeled it.

I went over to the sink, running the water and splashing a handful on my face. Instantly it warmed to my skin, and I needed to do it a few more times before I suddenly got the chills again. Then I just leaned against the wall, exhausted and… nauseous? I yawned, sinking to the ground and collecting myself for a few minutes before standing up again to go back to the practice room, taking my sweet time to fix my hair and hide any exposed cuts and/or bruises.

I was shocked, hurt, and confused to see what was behind the door.

Kacey and Zander were lying on the couch, Kacey on top, and they were kissing.

Why would Zander do that to me?

I thought he loved me!

But I should've known. Love isn't real. I knew that for a fact, and Zander convinced me love was real. He got inside my head only to break my heart.

The tears started falling heavily, my eyes turning red. I faintly heard Nelson yell, "Look! There's Stevie!" but I really didn't care. I spun around on my heel, running out of the school and back home.

My target was my room, but my dad had other ideas. It was all a blur to me, so if I was asked to describe it, it wouldn't be detailed at all. He was upon me in an instant, slapping me hard for being late, each blow getting harder until it suddenly became so much worse…

Later, when I had gathered myself together, I used any strength I had left in me to lug myself upstairs, knocking on Patrick and Harry's door weakly. They answered, and as soon as they laid eyes on me, they were suddenly concerned.

"Patrick, Harry," I said hoarsely. "It finally happened."

And they knew exactly what I meant.

**A:N) so what do you think she meant? Send in your thoughts, and the next chapter will tell you if you're right or not!**


	11. How to Rock the Truth

I sobbed harder in Harry's chest. We were on my bed; I had changed to a pair of sweatpants and Zander's Coldplay T-shirt. I still had it. Patrick was pacing back and forth like a caged animal.

We all knew this day would come. We just didn't think he'd do it so early.

"So, run me by this one more time," Harry said calmly, rubbing circles on my back.

"I just came home from school, trying to get to my room, and then Dad started hitting me," I said, sniffling a little. "And… and then he…" A new round of sobs hacked my body before I could continue.

"He raped you," Harry said gently.

"Yes!" I cried.

"Okay, I'm calling your boyfriend," Patrick said. You could literally see the anger coming off him in waves.

"Don't; I'm fine," I said, my voice muffled by Harry's shirt.

"Stevie, you just involuntarily had sex with your dad. The least we could do for you is call your boyfriend," Patrick said, dialing Zander's number in his cellphone.

"But he kissed Kacey!" I whined, pulling my head away from Harry.

"He's still your boyfriend," Patrick said. He listened for a few minutes before stating the obvious. "Hi Zander, this is Patrick Baskara, your girlfriend's brother. Uh, listen, I know there's been some friction between you… uh huh… uh huh… no, it's much worse… okay, calm down… I haven't even told you what happened yet! She was raped and… okay, now you hung up."

"Stevie…" Harry said sympathetically as I collapsed into his chest again. "How'd you get your fever?"

"What?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"You have a fever," Harry pointed out.

"Oh. Must be from the abuse," I muttered, my voice muffled by Harry's shirt.

"Stevie, you need to go to a hospital. I mean, I know they're nosy people, but all three of us know that we can't keep this up much longer. Sooner or later we're gonna have to give ourselves up to the government," Harry said.

"They'll separate us! That's the last thing I want to happen!" I argued. "And we've survived, I mean, look where we are now!"

I'm pretty sure we all saw that as a reason we should report our dad.

We were silent for a few minutes; the only sounds heard were my sobs and Patrick's shoes clamping on the floor as he paced.

"Patrick?" Harry asked.

"Yeah?"

"You do know that pacing does _nothing_ to help us, right?" I would have laughed if it wasn't for the fact that I was totally freaked out about my dad… inside me… I shuddered.

There was a knock on my door, locked from the possibility that my dad wasn't finished. I flinched and Harry held me tighter.

"Who's there?" Patrick asked.

"Zander, let me in before your dad chucks a… too late. Just let me in."

Patrick opened the door just wide enough for the sixteen year old to slip in. On his forehead was a huge cut, probably from one of Dad's alcohol bottles; from the smell wafting through the air, I guessed beer. Yeah. It's so bad I can detect any alcohol from a yard away.

"Stevie," Zander said softly when he laid eyes on me. I shifted uncomfortably, tears still falling but I wasn't full out sobbing anymore.

"Hi," I said awkwardly. Zander sat next to me and held out his arms, but I refused to let myself be comforted by him.

"Stevie, if this is about the kiss-"

"Save it," I cut in suddenly. "I know what happened."

"You do? Oh, that's a relief, because-"

"What happened was you were sick of having an insecure, abused girl as your girlfriend, and you wanted a perfect girl like Kacey," I snapped.

"No, that's not what happened!" Zander shouted. I recoiled, and Zander's harsh gaze softened. "_Kacey_ kissed _me_," he said calmly.

"How do I know you're not lying?" I asked suspiciously.

"Because would I do this if I was lying?" Zander moved closer to me, kissing my lips instantly. A moan escaped me as I kissed back, relieved to know that love existed.

"Zander! Don't kiss her! She's sick!" Harry yelled. We parted, and I stared at him, star-crossed.

"Told you you had a fever," Zander said cheekily. I crossed my arms. "Come on girl, don't pout." He pecked my cheek and held out his arms again. This time I crawled into them, relieved by the warmth of his body. I rested my head on his chest as he brushed my hair with his fingers.

"Whoa, that boy really does work wonders," Patrick said, impressed.

"Yeah, I don't get it," Harry said.

"Well, I _am_ the hot one of the family," Patrick boasted.

"We're _twins_! We look almost exactly alike!"

"You've got nerd glasses and an afro. I'm all hot and stuff."

I snuggled closer to Zander, enjoying his warmth and love as he played with my hair. He would kiss me every few minutes, whispering how much he loved me in my ear. I ached to tell him all about what happened when I had gotten home, but I knew he'd just take me to a hospital and report my dad.

"Stevie, I need to tell my dad about this."

Or that.

"But your dad hates me!" I blurted out. My hand flew to my face to cover my mouth as my eyes widened at what I did.

"He what? Oh no, he went through that stalkish speech with you, didn't he?" Zander asked.

"How'd you know?" I asked.

"He does it with every girl I date. I swear it drives me crazy," Zander said.

"Really?" I asked. "So, it's not just me?"

"Not just you. He seems really horrible but really he's just a big teddy bear," Zander said. I smiled at this news, probably the first smile since I came home. He calmed the rolling nausea in my stomach and made me feel loved… he made me feel like I was an important piece of the world. I'm pretty sure that that was all that kept me alive and I can't think of what life would be like without him.

Thinking about it deeply, I guess Zander's the one who's been there at my worst moments. That Christmas I was digging through the trash helplessly, he came and saved me. That day a week ago I cut myself, he convinced me out of it. He even saved me when he first found out about the abuse. He had killed any lingering fear of all people, any belief that love didn't exist was wiped out. He loved me.

He loved me.

Those three words sent shivers down my spine, but not the kind I get at the mention of sex. They seemed to fill my soul with a certain peace and warmth. It wasn't a feeling I was used to. I was used to feeling cold and worthless, like an unimportant piece of something-I'm-not-allowed-to-say. But Zander was something different.

He loved me.

He gets concerned for me and he can be an idiot, and over-protective, but it came out of love. And he held me as tears streamed down my face, but I don't think I was crying over rape anymore.

I'm pretty sure they were joyful tears.


	12. How to Rock Insanity

I guess we might've fallen asleep together, because when I woke up we were laying on Stevie's tattered mattress.

Harry and Patrick must've left earlier, because they weren't anywhere in the room. Stevie was still asleep, with her head rested up in the crook of my neck and her body curled up in a ball against my stomach. I kissed her temple, tightening my grip around her when I heard a scream and a crash from downstairs. Either Harry or Patrick was just hit with something. I cringed, feeling sorry for whoever it was… unless it was both.

Stevie moaned a little, blinking open her hazel eyes sleepily. I smiled at how adorable she looked when she was waking up, and she raised an eyebrow.

"What put you in a good mood?" she mused, not shifting her position.

"Just the sight of my gorgeous girlfriend," I said honestly. Stevie smiled, snuggling closer to kiss my lips.

"Aww…" she murmured, lazily closing her eyes again. "I really want to skip school today."

"Wish granted," I said. Stevie's eyes shot open.

"You mean that?" she said incredulously.

"Yeah. You had a lousy day yesterday," I said. "Plus, you were raped, which is extreme."

"Don't talk about it," Stevie whimpered. I hugged her close, rubbing circles on her back. She cried a few tears at the memory, but that was ceased by the next scream from downstairs. Stevie bolted up, quickly glancing at me, and I followed her rush downstairs. I cringed at the sight and Stevie clung to my arm.

I will never forget Stevie's horrified expression as she laid eyes on her limp brother.

"Harry!" she shrieked. I put an arm around her shoulders protectively, scared that what happened to Harry would happen to her. "Zander, Zander, is he dead?" Stevie sobbed, turning to look at me. I've never seen her so heartbroken. How much worse could it get? She was raped yesterday and might be carrying her own dad's baby, and now she was slowly losing a brother. I hugged her, kissing her cheek.

"No, he's still living, but just barely," I said gently. Stevie fell to her knees, sobbing at Harry's side as he started coughing up blood.

"Stevie?" he croaked. I knelt down beside them, rubbing Stevie's back supporting.

"Save your breath," Stevie said softly. Honestly, the bond between them was heart-wrenching. Harry coughed again, sending spurts of blood to speckle Stevie's face. She winced, wiping the crimson liquid off her face.

"Stevie," Harry uttered out. "Don't let Dad win. Don't ever hurt yourself." Stevie bent closer, tears in her eyes. "It's what Mom would've wanted."

"Harry!" Stevie wailed, burying her face in her hands as Harry took one last shaky breath. I knelt beside her, and she hid her face in my chest, sobbing pitifully. I felt tears spring in my own eyes as I hugged her close. Now, not only was her dad a monster, he was a rapist and a murderer.

After a few minutes Stevie's sobs turned to whimpers. She looked up at me, her hazel eyes clouded with worry. "Where's Patrick?" she asked, her voice breaking at the end.

"I don't know, but we'll find him," I promised, helping Stevie up. She leaned against me, not able to stand upright over the loss.

"We need to bury him," she said shakily.

"We will, I promise," I said.

"I still can't let the government know," Stevie said, clinging to my arm. I didn't mind at all that she was kind of cutting off the circulation.

"And you won't."

We spun around to see Stevie's father, his face shadowed. In his hand he held a bloodied steak knife. Stevie's grip tightened, her breath coming out in ragged gasps.

"You, you, you're a monster!" she screamed. "You have yellow horns!" He smirked and I looked down worriedly at her.

"Yes, we all know about the fun time we had last night," he said. I suddenly turned on my heel, throwing open the door and shoving Stevie outside. I turned back to her dad, still smirking, and ran out after her, slamming the door in my haste. Stevie started pacing wildly, her hands pressing either side of her head.

_"My name is Stevie Baskara. I go to Brewster High. My boyfriend is Zander Robbins. Kacey Simon kissed my boyfriend. I am in a band called 'Gravity 5' with Zander, Kacey, Nelson, and Kevin. My dad hates me. I am not a virgin anymore. My brother was killed. Why am I not dead? I should be dead."_

"Stevie," I murmured gently, realizing what all the abuse and violence has done to her. It pushed her to insanity; hallucinations, nightmares, and confutation. She felt the need to set things straight in her jumbled mind, to tell herself what's happening.

It was then that I realized just how much she needed help.

**A:N) Sorry it's short, I just wanted to leave it there for tonight. What are your thoughts? **

**And think; what would an angst author who's written 60 stories, most of which are abuse-fics, look like at a Dodgeball tournament decked out in black with white sneakers, an orange nose, and those black football stripes on her cheeks?**


	13. How to Rock a Lazy Day

I had driven Stevie to my house. My dad wasn't home to scare her any further, so we pretty much just chilled the entire day. We watched TV, ate lunch (turkey sandwiches with Fritos and after, we had chocolate covered pretzels), and just lazed around. I could tell Stevie wasn't into it all, and it was understandable, considering she just watched her brother die and on top of that she was raped and had a fever. I had taken Stevie's temperature; relieved to see it was not over 104° F. She had fallen asleep about ten minutes ago and I had started my homework.

I knew something was wrong from the minute I walked back to the living room. She was kicking and thrashing and whimpering, murmuring words like "no," "don't," and "please" under her breath. I knew she was having a nightmare.

"Stevie," I said softly, shaking the terrified girl. She let out a shriek, bolting upright, but sighed when she realized it was me. She had streams of tears down her face, and more teardrops were running. I sat down next to her, opening my arms, and she leaned into my embrace, sobbing into my chest as I held her tight.

"Zander," Stevie whimpered hoarsely, her body shivering violently from cold. I pulled the blanket around her, still hugging her.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

"Not at all," Stevie said, though I, seeing how pitifully thin my girlfriend looked, got up and got two water bottles and a box of Cheese-Its. I was hungry and I figured Stevie should be more than skin and bones.

"Eat," I instructed her. She gave me a side-smile, making her look adorable.

"You're such a sucker," she joked half-heartedly, opening her water bottle.

"Well, you are too," I said.

"And how is that?" Stevie asked, taking a sip of her water.

"You think I'm totally hot," I said.

"You're so vain," Stevie said as I opened the box of cheese-its. I grabbed a few and she gingerly took one.

"C'mon Stevie, smile," I urged her. She rolled her eyes, straightening up before trying to smile. She failed, though she looked so cute when she did. It was a really lopsided smile, and she quickly erased it, letting out a nervous giggle.

"So, Zander," she said, leaning against me again. "Tell me a story. Preferably funny." I smiled at her laziness, stretching so my arm rested around her shoulders.

"Well," I said, grabbing five more cheese-its and stuffing them in my mouth. I swallowed before speaking again. "Did I ever tell you of the time I peed on Santa Clause?"

"No," Stevie said.

"Just gave away the best part," I said. "In all fairness, I was three and I had a bladder infection."

Stevie rolled her eyes.

"What about you? What's the funniest thing you ever did?" I asked.

"Okay, this was really funny until my dad hurt me, I made him think his feet got cut off," Stevie said.

"Really?" I asked. "How? I totally need to do that to my dad!"

"It might not work. My dad was drunk, like, super drunk. But anyway, while he was asleep, I hid his feet under a blanket and poured red paint around the rest of his legs," Stevie explained, a wide grin playing on her lips. "He woke up and freaked out! And then realized it was a prank and tried to murder me." She grew somber again, and I squeezed her shoulders comfortingly. She looked up at me, biting her lip, and I pulled her close as she started crying into my chest. I kissed her hair every couple of minutes, hugging her close.

For a minute, her shirt got brushed up and I swore I saw something red on her back.

"Stevie, you don't cut yourself, right?" I asked. She pulled back sharply, wiping remaining tears from her eyes.

"No, Zander," she said. "I promised you, my mom, and… Harry that I wouldn't."

"Then what's that cut on your back?" I asked. She started twisting her body every which way to try to see it. I swear she's the cutest girlfriend in the world.

"Uh… well, when I was, ahem, un-virgin-ified, somehow he got a bread knife and cut my back when I tried to get away," Stevie said.

"And he gave you a hickie," I said. Stevie raised an eyebrow, and I pointed to a place on her neck. She spun around to face the mirror behind her, gasping when she saw the small blackish mark on her neck.

"Shoot," she muttered. "Remind me to cover that."

The silence that followed was haunting, so I broke it.

"I'm tired of seeing you in pain," I said suddenly. Stevie looked up at me, fear glinting in her bright eyes.

"You wouldn't…" she trailed off. I cupped her face, forcing her to look me in the eye.

"I need to tell my dad," I said. A few tears dripped down Stevie's face, and I brushed them away with my thumb.

"Please don't," she begged.

"I need to Stevie," I said. "Go on like this much longer and you'll be joining Harry." At this, Stevie collapsed into my chest again, full-out sobbing. Once again I hugged her close, rubbing circles on her back.

"He'll kill me if you tell," she cried through my shirt, her voice muffled.

"I'll protect you. I promise," I said.

"I know, but what if he hurts you? That'd kill me," Stevie said, still crying.

"Stevie, you need help," I said. "My dad can help you." Stevie lifted her head a little, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Don't tell him!" she shrieked. I kissed her cheek.

"Okay," I said. "Fine. I won't tell him."

"Thanks so much," Stevie said.

She's not gonna be so happy tomorrow.


	14. How to Rock Either Good News or Bad News

"Dad, we need to talk."

That was the first thing I said to my father when he got home. Stevie was sleeping in the living room, and I was reluctant to leave, since whenever she sleeps she has a nightmare, but for her sake I had to.

"Speak," my dad said, sitting at the table. I sat across from him.

"It's about Stevie," I said.

"Oh God, I don't need to pay for her abortion, do I?" my dad asked, yanking out his wallet.

"No! No, it's not that," I cried. My dad sighed, putting his wallet away again. "It's about… her father."

"Listen, I'm sure he'll be supportive if she gets pregnant," he said. I frowned.

"No, he won't," I said. "He'll hurt her. Like he always does."

"He abuses her?" my dad asked, awestruck. "Is that why she's so disgusting and thin?"

"Yeah," I said. "She didn't want me to tell you." I winced as I heard Stevie shriek.

"I'll talk to her in the morning," my dad promised. Another high-pitched scream echoed throughout our house. "Go wake her up," he said gently. I got up to leave, but then turned around.

"Report him also for raping her and murdering one of her brothers," I said, spinning back around and running to the living room. Stevie was kicking and thrashing underneath the blanket I gave her. I couldn't help but to feel guilty about leaving her, but it was to save her life, right?

…Right?

"Stevie," I said softly, shaking her as I normally did. She bolted up, letting out another scream, and I sat down next to her, letting her find her way into my arms to cry in my chest, no questions asked. I hugged her close as she sobbed, my father standing at the doorway.

For the first time ever, he looked down at Stevie with respect, and not scorn.

I rocked her, slowly rubbing circles on her back. I murmured reassurances into her ear, letting her cry herself out. I kissed her hair as her sobs turned to whimpers. She rested her head against my chest, and I held her as she fell asleep again. Her body was worryingly warm, so I quickly turned on the ceiling fan, trying not to disturb her.

Have I ever mentioned how super cute she looks when she's asleep?

**/SwitchPOVSwitch\**

The next morning, I woke up on the couch in Zander's arms. Honestly, that's the best way to wake up. I liked having him around when I slept. I don't have as many nightmares.

I yawned, shivering at how cold it was. The little movements I was making woke Zander up. He yawned, rubbing his eyes with a frown, but smiled when he opened his eyes to see me.

"Morning babe," he said. I smiled, sweeping a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Hey Zander," I responded. Then I frowned. "I still have your Coldplay T-shirt at home."

"Keep it," Zander said. "It doesn't even fit me."

"Thanks," I said, leaning away from Zander to stretch out my cramped arms. He seemed worried. I wonder why.

"I need to go get changed," Zander said, getting up. "There's fresh banana bread out there if you want a slice." With that, he left. I got up, wandering to the kitchen. I wasn't hungry, but with saying 'if you want a slice,' Zander, being Zander, meant "There's fresh banana bread out there, I want you to eat a few slices, every last crumb." Sometimes I wished he would lay off a little, but it was sweet that he cared.

As soon as I walked into the kitchen I regretted it. Zander's dad was sitting there, and I personally was not in the mood for any of his sex-talk about my "ongoing love and desire for sex." I shuddered involuntarily, and his dad looked up.

"Ah, Stevie," he said, patting a seat across from him. "I need to talk to you."

I wanted nothing more but to run as fast as I could away from him, but I cautiously walked over and sat where he told me.

"Zander told me something interesting about you," he said. I swear my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. Like, immediately ceased. "He said that your father abuses you? Is that right?" I shrank in my seat. It was over. I had to tell. There was no more lying.

"Uh… um…" I stuttered. Stupid voice, why won't it work?

"I'll take that as a yes. And he raped you?"

"Um… I… uh…"

"And he murdered one of your brothers?"

"Y-yes," I finally managed to choke out.

"So, how long has the abuse been going on? Why does he hurt you?" he asked.

"Few years ago," I said quickly. There was no way I was telling this creep the reason!

"Really? Zander told me after you fell asleep again that when your mother forfeited her life to save yours, your dad never forgave you," he said.

Oh Zander, you are so dead!

"Yeah, that," I said quickly. Zander's dad leaned so close I could smell his breath. It smelled oddly minty and clean, not like beer and smoke. I drew back unconsciously.

"I want to help you," he said to me.

And this is why I wanted Zander to shut his face.

My head was spinning, my body numbed and I swear any color in my face drained. I shook my head violently, pressing my palms against each side as a headache started forming. Then under my breath, I stated the basics.

"_My name is Stevie Baskara. I had four brothers. Now I only have three. I am not a virgin. My father hurts me. I go to Brewster High. I am in a band. I play bass. My boyfriend is Zander. I should be dead…"_

My vision was blurry as I fought tears from forming.

"_I know what your dad does to you."_

The Perfs' snooty faces.

_"Well, boy, I don't see why you're wasting your time with my bratty, ugly, witchy daughter."_

My dad's drunken, disappointed gaze.

"_If you want to get through this only once, don't resist. If you do, I will make your life a living Hell."_

His lust for sex, his huge dick entering me…

"_Don't let Dad win. Don't ever hurt yourself. It's what Mom would've wanted."_

Harry's saddened, bloodied face.

"_I want to help you."_

Zander's dad, his eyes concerned.

Death.

Betrayal.

Pain.

Tears.

Darkness.

-/-

**A:N) If anyone's confused, Stevie just pretty much shut down after learning that Zander's father knew. **


	15. How to Rock the Emergency Room

I don't normally sit in the back seat. Normally I drive, or when it's a family outing, I sit in the front.

I'm only in the back seat because Stevie fainted.

To save myself some worry (even though I swear I just had a mini heart attack when Dad said she fainted) I concentrated on the future. The happily ever after. Because every story has a happily ever after, right? Besides my mom ending up in jail… and her dad turning to drugs… and Harry being murdered… and children being abused… and teen girls being raped by their dads… okay, maybe I should stop thinking.

What if Stevie dies?

If she does, it'd be the end of me. I would never forgive myself. My grip around my girlfriend's limp body tightened, and I pressed my lips against hers quickly.

Happily ever after. Focus on that, Zander.

Now I can see us getting married. She's laughing and smiling as I spin her around at the reception party, her white silken dress giving a little _swoosh_ as we dance. Kacey, Kevin, and Nelson are up on stage playing song after song, but they don't sound the same as when Stevie's playing with them. I'm caressing her soft cheek, kissing her lips, and she gives a soft, confident smile, something I rarely see.

A speed bump jolts me out of my daydream, and there's Stevie on my lap in the same tattered clothing she wore last night, and the hospital is right there in front of us. I involuntarily shrink down a little, shielding Stevie's fragile body with my own. I knew I needed to tell the nurses why she fainted. I shouldn't do it without Stevie's okay.

"Dad," I said softly. "I don't think we should tell them why she fainted."

"Why?" my dad asked gruffly.

"I don't know… I guess it just feels wrong. You know, going behind her back…" I said as Dad parked the car. Not another word was said as I carried Stevie into the hospital. She was unsurprisingly light. I really need to get her to eat more. I could actually feel her bones through her skin.

Not another word was said until we got in the hospital. Dad went up to the front desk, and I was next to him, not really paying attention to what was happening. It was only when they tried to take Stevie away from me that I put up a fight.

"Boy, we can help her," one of the nurses said (her tag read Holly).

"I don't want you touching her!" I yelled. They finally pried Stevie from my arms, carrying her away. Dad rubbed my back soothingly, the way I did to Stevie, leading me over to sit in a bench. Millions of questions spun around in my head.

Do they know?

What are they doing to her?

Is she okay?

After a few minutes, I felt really dizzy.

"I'm gonna go see if they have a snack machine," I said, getting up and walking down a hall. The stench of the sick and the dying hit my nose. I started breathing through my mouth to block out the smell. It was gruesome, really, to think that many of these people would be joining the sky today. It saddened me, and it made me realize I might not see Stevie again.

I'm making a big deal of nothing, right?

Right?

I passed several rooms, my appetite growing smaller and smaller. Glancing quickly in room (I looked at the number) 3B, I saw an old woman in a white bed, with no visitors, and an untouched tray with some food and a cup of water. A loud, long beep and a flat line was heard and seen from the heart monitor. Several nurses shoved past me to go see the old woman.

I lost my appetite instantly.

My stomach churned and I started walking quicker, trying to forget the woman. I passed about three snack machines but I ignored them completely. I glanced into each next room I saw. A man with leukemia. A little girl with tuberculosis. A brunette girl arguing loudly with a nurse. A black boy with yellow fever. I kept walking –

Oh. My. God.

I backtracked a few steps to 15B; the brunette girl arguing loudly with a nurse. Now I could see that it wasn't arguing but freaking out. Crying, screaming my name like it was her last hope. I could tell that hysterical freak out anywhere.

"Stevie!" I yelled. The girl instantly stopped, her terrified hazel orbs locking with my brown ones. She seemed to calm down instantly as I went in and sat on the bed with her. I pulled her in my arms, rocking her, and she relaxed completely.

"Zander," she murmured. I 'hmm'ed in response. "They tried to put me in a medical coma." My head shot up.

"What?" I yelled. Stevie flinched visibly.

"She wasn't cooperating," one of the nurses (her tag read 'Hayley Hogan') said.

"Yeah, and my old dog Sprite wouldn't sit on command, but I didn't try to stick a needle in him to make him sleep for a day," I said wryly. Stevie giggled.

"Point taken," Nurse Hayley said. "So, tell me, if there's nothing wrong with this _kid_, why is she here." Stevie edged closer to me. I realized that Hayley was exasperated with her. Stevie really doesn't make a good first impression. Appearing anorexic in front of my dad, digging through trash hopelessly when we met, now this. It's something I'll have to work on.

"Her name is Stevie," I defended her. "And for God's sake, she fainted!"

"She's fine now," Hayley said. "If there's nothing wrong, then leave. You're taking up room that could be used for patients who need it." I clasped Stevie's hand, and we got up.

"I think we might," I said, leading her away from the nurse.

"Thanks," she said when we were a good distance from the room. "I owe you one."

"You owe me more than one," I said with a chuckle. "I think I can let it slide though. Now, we need to go find my dad. I don't know my way around here and it was just out of luck that I found you."

"Well don't ask me; I was unconscious!" Stevie said. I rubbed my thumb over her bony knuckle, and she gave me a shy grin.

It was amazing, really, how I could calm her down instantly. I think it's from trust. And knowing what she's been through, I wouldn't be surprised if she found it hard to trust people.

I suddenly stopped. She looked up at me, confusion etched on her face. (Yes, she looks adorable when she does that!) But before she could say anything, I bent down and kissed her.

I could feel disapproving glances from people passing by, but I shrugged it off, kissing deeper and pulling Stevie closer to me. Her arms found their way around my neck and I wrapped mine around her protectively. Nothing could hurt her now.

When we finally found our way back to my dad, he had already gotten the message about Stevie. He walked right over to us, and Stevie looked pretty nervous. I don't think she's gotten over the issue. She clutched my hand, and I whispered a "he won't hurt you" in her ear, calming her down a bit.

"Let's go," my dad said, and we followed him out of the hospital. Once outside, Stevie shuddered and I pecked her cheek.

"While you were out, I had a vision of us at our wedding reception," I told her. She smiled, leaning into me. "And when you're ready, we'll have a baby girl."

"We should name her Alexia," she murmured. "After I get over…" she trailed off, but I knew she was thinking about her dad.

"She'll have the same beautiful eyes as you," I said. "Shimmering hazel as deep and soft as the earth."

"And your personality," Stevie said softly. "Casual but extremely sweet and caring and loving and sappy." I chuckled, giving her hand a squeeze as we got in the car (backseats so we could cuddle.)

"She'll be as gorgeous as you are," I whispered, kissing her cheek. She leaned against me, her hot breath tickling my ear.

"You think I'm pretty?" she asked quietly.

"Of course," I said, putting an arm around her. She snuggled closer, whispering an "I love you" in my ear.

"You guys aren't hooking up, are you?"

Dang dad.


	16. Author Note That I Suggest You Read

**Okay. Listen. Well, read.**

**I'm terribly sorry for the lack of updates. Life's busy. And it sucks sometimes, more or less. **

**Sorry about my update... how do I word this... problem? Well, anyway, the only excuse for lack of updates is school. Which sucks. We have testing ALL WEEK, two fair-thingys (science fair and heritage day, both are boring, time-consuming, and extremely suckish), evil teachers (there's a nun in one of my classes, and she's really mean and has broken teeth and smells like death), and then there's the homework piling around my ankles up to my chin.**

**And I have strep and an ear infection... I'm so terribly sorry that bacteria find me appealing.**

**I probably sounded like a third grader in the third paragraph, third sentence.**

**Now I really want a chocolate cupcake with blue frosting and a green marzipan shell on top. SOO GOOD!**

**Anyway, I started the next chapter (my A key isn't working well, so I need to hit it about five times to get a good result) and it's pretty good, if you don't count the fact that it's boring. I have a good idea, but you know...**

**Now that I'm done with that... OMG HUNGER GAMES IS THIS FRIDAY! WHO'S GOING TO SEE THE PREMIRE? NOT ME! :( I'm going on Sunday with my besties Maria and Emma.**

**END LONG AUTHOR NOTE HERE.**


	17. How to Rock a Move Out and a Kidnap

**A:N) Gasp! What's this? An update?**

**Sorry I died. And ressurected. I become more like Easter every year...**

You do realize Patrick's still in the madhouse, right?"

That's the first thing I hear when we got home and Dad went off to work.

"I know baby, and we'll get him out," I said. Stevie crossed her arms, giving me a million dollar pout. I advanced to kiss her lips, and she "mmph!"ed in annoyance. I smirked against her lips, feeling satisfaction when she kissed back.

"You're sick," she muttered when she managed to pull away.

"We'll get Patrick later," I said.

"Can we go get him now? Please?" Stevie asked. When she saw I wasn't responding she started begging. "Please! I'll do anything! I'll… I'll have sex with you! That's what you want, isn't it? Please, I can't let my dad kill him! He's the only one person I've got left of family besides Lulu!" she wailed, tears sparkling in her eyes.

"Stevie, I don't want sex. Not until you're ready anyways. And Stevie, we are gonna get him out," I said, walking to the table. "First, you're gonna eat." Stevie groaned loudly, throwing her head back.

"Zander," she whined. "I'm fine!" But before she could complain any more, I was holding a plate with two slices of banana bread out to her. She crossed her arms but winced as her stomach emitted a low growl. I smirked in triumph as she half-heartedly took the plate and started eating. After one bite, she was devouring the whole thing. I smiled in amusement as in less than a minute; the slices I gave her were gone. "Okay," she said, swallowing the last bite. "Let's go."

"So stubborn," I said in mock disappointment. Stevie went outside, and I followed her.

"We walking or are you driving?" she asked.

"We walking?" I asked, amused by her lack of grammar.

"Okay, I'll take that as a yes," Stevie said, walking past my car. I followed her, catching up to lace my fingers with hers. She smiled, her brown curls bouncing as she and I walked to her house, with her slightly in the lead. As we neared the house I saw Stevie automatically tense up, and I gave her a reassuring smile for moral support. Still, though, I let her latch onto my arm.

Screams echoed through the run-down house, and Stevie whimpered a little, making a sound that sounded like a combination of a dog's whine and a cat's wail. She had a death grip on my arm, and I winced as I felt her nails digging into my skin. It made me realize just how much she feared her father.

We went up to the front porch, trying to avoid the many shards of glass jutting out from the creaky boards. The house gave a groan as Stevie unlatched herself from me to open the door to the house. She flinched as it creaked and peered inside cautiously, giving a little gasp as she buried her face in my chest. I looked in, seeing Harry's corpse on the ground near the table, which was now a place for several sharp knives. I led Stevie down the hall, passing her father, who was asleep on the couch with a half-drank bottle of vodka in one hand and a breadknife in the other. As we passed, he must've sensed us in his sleep somehow, because inaccurately he threw the knife at us. I dodged it quickly, trying to lead Stevie out of the way before it hit her. She seemed frozen, though, her eyes locked on her father. Horrified, I grabbed her and yanked her away just as the knife almost hit her face. She still stared at her father until I led her upstairs to find Patrick's room.

We found it a few yards from Stevie's room. Patrick was nursing a few wounds, three bags by his side. I looked at him questioningly, and he quickly explained.

"Ty got married and they invited me to stay with them since our dad… y'know," Patrick said.

"What about Stevie?" I asked, looking at the still-dazed brunette. She shook her head and looked at me.

"Hmm?" she murmured. I gave her a goofy grin, trying to crack some smile out of her. It didn't work.

"He could only fit one and since I'm younger, he thinks I can't withstand Dad as well," Patrick said. There was a honk from outside. "Got to go, I'll email you Stevie." Patrick grabbed his bags and left.

"Email me what?" Stevie asked. I explained to her what happened, but I could tell she was still too terrified to be paying any attention. She nodded, her eyes wandering almost sightlessly, as they didn't seem to be picking up picture. It was almost robotic, and definitely freaking me out a little.

"You okay?" I asked. Stevie's eyes were still emotionless, but she suddenly shrieked, covering her ears. I knew this was one of her hallucinations.

She was shaking and whimpering and screaming, and I was kissing her and trying to comfort her when we heard grumbling at the doorway. We both turned to see her dad, hunched over with another knife and the bottle in his hands. Stevie screamed again, and her dad threw the bottle at her. The glass broke against her forehead and shattered, shards piercing her skin and alcohol mixing with the blood. I immediately threw my arms around her, trying to shield her from her dad's anger.

"Okay, I'm breaking you two up," her dad muttered. "Girl, you go downstairs. Now." Stevie clutched my arm, not willing to move, but when her dad held up his knife, she shot me an apologetic look and skittered down the stairs, giving little whines and whimpers of distress. I looked up at her dad nervously. He smirked, his nasty broken teeth giving a slight glimmer in the light. He backed up, starting to close the door. When it was just a crack he peeked back in. "You might just be useful, boy. I should use boyfriends to hurt my daughter more often." Just as he closed the door and locked it, it clicked.

He was using me to break Stevie.

Millions of worries shot through my head, dizzying me with thoughts. Would I ever get out? What'd he do to me? But the worst question that really terrified me;

Would Stevie even be able to live?

She's fainted from anxiety before. She gets horrendous nightmares when I'm not around. She hallucinates and she needs reality checks to keep her going. She's terrified all ready, and she never wanted me to get hurt. It'd kill her.

And that's what her dad wanted. To kill Stevie Baskara.


	18. How to Rock Taylor Swift and Kindness

**A:N) OMG saw Hunger Games movie and TOTALLY pumped to write! **

Terror overcame me as I scampered down the stairs, driven by fear of my dad and fears of what my dad can and will do to Zander. My heart pounded in my chest and I could feel my head spinning.

When my dad came downstairs and yelled at me to get out of his house I realized Zander wasn't coming down. I refused to leave until he let Zander go, but my dad grabbed me and held the knife up to my neck. I could feel the metal just millimeters away from my delicate throat as my dad started talking.

"Listen girl," he growled at me, the knife dangerously low. "You should be grateful. You don't deserve life. Not after what you did to Jennifer. She died saving your damn life. But I raised you as my daughter and taught you the valuable virtue of obedience. So I think you shouldn't be yelling at me for just another person you'll end up killing. Any thoughts?" I kept my mouth shut. "Good. Now leave, you worthless bitch." He threw me to the ground, and I quickly scrambled up and ran out of the house. "AND NEVER COME BACK!"

I wandered the streets for hours until realization finally hit me.

I had no one.

Harry and Mom died. Ty was married happily and Patrick was on his way to him. Greg was in college. Kacey, Nelson, and Kevin would never understand. Zander was being held captive by my own dad, who kicked me out of my house, and I don't think I could ever trust his father.

I was a lone shadow on the verge of death again.

Hunger gnawed at my stomach but I ignored it. Exhaustion clawed my mind but I pushed it away. Tears threatened to spill but I wasn't that girl anymore. I was the girl before Zander. The girl who had four brothers, and best friends, and no tears. I was unbreakable, untouchable, and unlovable.

I found myself at the park at sundown, staring over the lake. I felt wearier than usual, and my mind was set to a type of autopilot, wary of people and sudden movements. I curled into a ball against a tree, trying to block out any remaining light.

"_I remember tears streaming down your face  
>when I said; I'll never let you go<br>when all those shadows almost killed your light."_

My body uncurled itself, enlightened by the familiar song. Unconsciously, I closed my eyes and began singing the next few lines.

"_I remember you said, don't leave me here alone  
>But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight."<em>

Then our voices merged, a broken brunette and a mystery singer.

"_Just close your eyes  
>the sun is going down<br>you'll be alright  
>No one can hurt you now<br>come morning light  
>you and I'll be safe and sound."<em>

I opened my eyes again, looking around for whoever was singing.

"H-hello?" I rasped, my voice gravely from not using it for so long. It was a female voice that answered.

"Up here."

I looked up, finding a blonde in the tree. Her familiar green eyes locked with my hazel ones and I gaped at who it was.

"Grace?" I asked, awestruck.

"Yeah, can you get me down?" Grace answered wryly. I smirked.

"Just slide down," I said. She did, landing a scream and an "oomph!" later by my feet. She stood up, brushing dirt off her arms and dress.

"Ow!" she yelled.

"Oh, did I say slide? I meant climb," I said. Grace glared at me. "So why were you up there anyway?"

"I saw you walk past my house, so I followed you," she said. My eyes widened.

"You were _stalking_ me?" I asked. Grace looked down.

"Uh… yeah. But only cuz you looked upset," she said. I rolled my eyes.

"I thought you hated me," I said.

"No, that's Molly. I just follow her around cuz she scares me," Grace said. "I'm really sorry she told everyone in school about… you know…"

"Yeah." I sat back down and she sat with me. She started brushing out my hair with her fingers, but I swatted her away. It reminded me too much of Zander.

"If it helps, my parents are divorced and I never see either of them," Grace said softly. I looked at her for a few minutes, keeping my expression blank, but when I saw her tearing up I patted her shoulder.

"I guess it helps," I lied through my teeth. In truth I didn't think it helped at all, but I lied to preserve the ditzy blonde's feelings. Grace flashed an award-winning smile and something inside me softened a little. "I'm sorry for all those times. When I… you know…" Grace nodded.

"S'okay," she said. "And I'm sorry for all those times I was mean to you."

And for once, I saw Grace as a potential friend.

We hung out for a long time. I spilled what had happened over the past week, and Grace told me stories of funny, upsetting, happy, and sad moments in her life. It was like we were old buddies, laughing and weeping and smiling and sobbing together as I would with Kacey. Then Grace announced that if she stayed any longer she'd break curfew, so she left. I stayed there longer before deciding that Zander's dad might be worried and think we were "hooking up," so I got up and went to Zander's house.

My heart felt like it could shatter at any minute, my eyes filling with tears at the very thought of his home. I shivered and walked inside, keeping my head low to hide any tears.

What was Zander doing right now? Is he okay? Is he hurt? What is Dad doing to him?

"Stevie!" I heard Zander's dad call. I shuffled into the living room where he was laying on the couch watching Family Guy. He looked up, and as soon as his eyes locked on me I knew he was concerned. He sat up and patted the cushion next to him, so I sat down. "What happened?" he asked me softly. I curled into a ball, keeping a wary gaze on him, but I then relaxed a little because he seemed harmless.

"Zander and I went to my house today, because my brother was still there. Turns out, my brother's now living with my married brother and Zander was kidnapped by my dad and…" I was sobbing now. Zander's dad pulled me close to him, and I curled against him as my sobs subsided.

"Stevie," his dad said calmly. "We'll get him tomorrow. Calm down. And I promise you, after we rescue Zander we'll go to the courthouse and I'll figure out how to make myself your legal guardian."

I smiled a little and soon fell asleep to the gentle heartbeat of my future father.


	19. How to Rock Fears and Plans

My dreams were haunted by several ways Zander could be tortured. The blood and gore frightened me, terrified me even, and I soon woke up thrashing and screaming. Zander's dad must have left earlier, because he came rushing into the living room. The first thing I noticed was that he had a blue and black ring around his left eye.

"Oh my gosh, did I do that?" I asked guiltily. He shrugged it off.

"It's fine. The question is, are you okay? You've been thrashing and kicking all night," he answered.

"I'm fine… I think." I was still shaking from the mental trauma, the sights of my dad hurting Zander… it was too much to handle. "I don't think I'll sleep until we get Zander back though." Zander's dad looked at me sympathetically, and, given the fact that I hated pity, I felt awkward and exposed. I squirmed a little, trying to get into a comfortable position.

"I'm going back to bed. You should try to sleep." He lumbered back to his room and I got up off the couch.

I couldn't go back to sleep. The visions would haunt me even more. I was feeling nauseous and nervous, so eating was ruled out (though I hadn't had food since 6 yesterday morning…). I could go out for a walk but it was past my curfew.

I sat back down, trying not to fall asleep again. My heart ached as the visions kept flashing back, making my stomach churn even more and my head spin. I curled up in a ball on the couch, hiding my face in my legs, trying to forget the images.

By the time morning came I had almost fallen asleep again. Each time I felt myself slip into darkness, I'd pinch myself to wake myself back up, and by morning I was exhausted. Somehow, I found something white and fluffy staring at me through agitated blue eyes, and as I reached out to pet it, it's long claws were already padding down the hall. It then registered in my mind that that was Lulu.

I got up, changing quickly in the bathroom into skinny jeans and Zander's Coldplay T-shirt and putting my hair into a quick waterfall French braid, something I rarely did. I brushed my teeth, neglecting the shower (I still hadn't gotten into that habit, since the shower looked too pretty for my hands to touch), and went into the kitchen.

Mr. Robbins served me breakfast, but I didn't touch it. He sat down across from me, and déjà vu swept over me, so I shifted my position so I was at a corner. There was something in his eyes that scared me; something starved and worried… the look my father got when the bills came. And when the bills came, my father got angry. As in, beat me 'til I'm numb and hanging onto one last string of life angry. I instinctively backed away, keeping a watchful eye on Mr. Robbins. I was almost positive that he was worried for his son. And frankly, I was guilty. That's about a teaspoon of added bloodshed, in actual blood.

"Stevie," Mr. Robbins said, "you know that I'd never hurt you, right?" I opened my mouth to reply, but all that came out was a shuddery breath. After that, both of us avoided conversation, Mr. Robbins slowly eating and I just stared at my food.

When we were done "eating," Mr. Robbins cleaned the dishes while I tried not to stare at the pair of scissors on the counter. Why did they have to be so tempting?

"_Black, black, black and blue  
>Beat me 'til I'm numb<br>Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from."_

I didn't even notice when I started singing, but when I finished I could feel Zander's dad's eyes on me. I blushed, quickly averting my gaze and singing softer. I probably looked like a crazy person who's lost her mind, but maybe that's what I am.

"_Gave you all I had  
>And you tossed it in the trash<br>You tossed it in the trash, yes you did  
>To give me all your love<br>Is all I ever asked  
>Cause what you don't understand<br>Is I'd catch a grenade for you  
>Throw my hand on the blade for you<br>I'd jump in front of a train for you  
>You know I'd do anything for you."<em>

I could suddenly feel something warm and big on my shoulder. A human hand, obviously male. My mind started building my walls back up, and I spun around.

"Don't. Touch. Me," I growled, my breath coming out in ragged breaths. The hand shot away, and it registered that it was Mr. Robbins and not my dad. My breaths evened and my tense shoulders relaxed. "Sorry, I thought-"

"I know." We were quiet for a few minutes, and then he spoke. "Listen, Stevie I know my son means a lot to you…"

"The world," I whispered.

"…but we need a plan before we go rescue him."

"Easy. I distract him, you run up to get Zander," I said.

"I don't want you to get hurt," Mr. Robbins said.

"All I need to do to confuse him is to ask him what my name is. He forgot when I was seven," I said wryly. "To him I'm known as either 'Girl,' 'Bitch,' or 'That Thing Living In My Pigsty.'"

"How does he see you as a bitch?" Mr. Robbins asked.

"He blames me for everything," I said. "I learn to filter it out." Mr. Robbins nodded. I shrugged, chipping away some of the last bits of the pink nail polish on my nails (Kacey made me get them done.)

"So, any better ideas?" he asked.

"I say we wing it," I said. "Honestly, I'm a wreck without Zander."

About five minutes later, we were standing in front of my house.

"I'll go see what's happening," I said softly, leaving Mr. Robbins to crawl into a broken window. Some glass shards pierced my bony sides, but I ignored the pain.

There was screaming upstairs, and my mind instantly projected several terrifying images from last night. I stood, rigid with fear, until I could hear my dad's heavy tromping down the stairs, then I scrambled through the window again, my heart hammering against my chest. My expression must have been readable, because Mr. Robbins and I ran through the door.

There was no turning back.


	20. How to Rock a Rescue and Fathers

Almost as soon as my booted feet hit the creaky boards of the floor, I knew this wouldn't be easy. For one, I was endangering my future father, and knowing my dad's violent nature, he would get hurt. Another problem was my dad. He could easily kill me; maybe take longer to for Mr. Robbins, but still possible. One more problem was the mess called our house. It'd be hard to run away when there was glass sticking out of the rug and thrown books, shredded pillows, woman's clothes (some wetter than others), and knives tossed carelessly on the floor. I was really embarrassed that Mr. Robbins was seeing all of this. He seemed to be noting every shard of glass, every knife, every splatter of blood. I even saw new blood, fresh blood. I gulped, hearing a cry of pain from upstairs.

Just as we turned to go down the hall, my dad lumbered downstairs. As soon as our eyes locked, he grabbed me by my hair and slammed my head against a mirror near the closet door. I yelped, curling into a ball instinctively and tried to stay conscious as stars started swirling in my vision. I was half-aware that my dad had a frying pan in his hand, and braced myself for the pain that was surely about to follow.

It never came. Instead, I heard the pan clatter noisily next to me. I shook my head and stood up shakily, blood flowing down my forehead and clotting in my hair. I jumped out of the way as my dad and my future dad rolled on the floor, fighting. My temple throbbed painfully, and it seemed that the concussion I got from the rock my dad threw at me was acting up because of the stupid mirror.

I wasted no time dashing upstairs.

My eyes scanned the doors until I got to Patrick's old room. My heart ached for my brother, but I was glad that he didn't have to suffer and he could live a happier life. I took a breath, bracing myself for the horrors about to follow, and opened the door.

Zander was sitting on Patrick's bed, nursing a wound on his arm. His eyes were pained, making me feel guiltier, but when he saw me he brightened.

"Honestly Stevie, I'm gone for a day and you neglect food?" he said wryly.

"How'd you know?" I asked, rushing over to him.

"I can tell when my girlfriend's hungry," Zander said.

"What'd he do?" I asked, tears slipping down my cheeks. Zander reached up to wipe them away, but more tears just fell. I rested against him, feeling his arms wrap around me.

"It doesn't matter anymore," he murmured in my ear.

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed. "It's all my fault. If I hadn't left like my father told me to, you wouldn't be hurt. I should've come sooner. I should've put up a fight. I should've-"

"Stevie, it's not your fault. You were driven by fear," Zander said. "And it's not like I didn't have a part in the effect. I should've done something about this sooner."

"We should get downstairs. Your dad probably can't keep my dad from murdering us for long," I said. Zander's eyes widened.

"Let's go!" he yelled, rushing downstairs. I followed quickly.

"Dad!" Zander cried. I gasped at the horror. His dad was pinned against the wall by my dad, who had his breadknife in one hand.

Something inside of me was tired of being scared, and I felt myself lunge at my dad, knocking the breadknife out of his hands. "Go! Go! Go!" I screamed at Zander and Mr. Robbins. They didn't budge. "Go!" I shrieked again. "Run! Leave! Dash! I don't know any other way to say it!"

"You bitch!" my dad roared, trying to shove his fat hands at my neck. I dodged his attempt, kicking him in the groin. He yelled in pain, doubling over, but grabbed the knife from the floor.

I could hear Zander and his dad arguing about leaving or not in the background, but I was too busy focusing on my dad to make out what they were saying. Then I caught a glimpse of Mr. Robbins dragging Zander out the door, and in my hesitation, my dad shoved me to the ground. He pulled back his arm, the knife glimmering maliciously in the musky room before digging it into my shoulder.

Black dots filled the air, or maybe it was my vision. My dad yanked the knife out, and I was aware that blood was dripping off of that, well, more like streaming off of it, and staining the Coldplay T-shirt. I raised my arm to grab the knife, feeling a sharp pain in my shoulder and more blood gushing out.

I could just barely see Zander and his dad fighting off my dad, but I never saw the end of it.

Everything was black.


	21. How to Rock the Hospital

I paced in the clean white room, terror clutching my heart. I know that once a blood puddles big enough, there was no saving the person it came from. The knife was dug deep in Stevie's shoulder, and there was a lot of blood… but was it small enough so she could be saved?

Dad made no attempt to calm me down. He probably knew it would be useless. My girlfriend was probably on the line of life and death, and I would not calm down.

Rage filled me. I hated Stevie's dad with every gut in my body, every fiber of my soul, but what he did to her took all of that hate and multiplied it by 20. I loathed him, wanted to kill him for what he did to my Stevie.

When Nurse Hayley Hogan came back out, I literally attacked her.

"Where is she?" I demanded. "I want to go see her!" Dad rushed up, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Calm down…" he murmured.

"I will not calm down! My girlfriend is hurt!" I roared.

"Yes. Stevanna Baskara is in room 305 down that hallway. You can go see her, but she probably is still sleeping from the sedative we had to give her. She has a concussion and her shoulder needs surgery, but she'll be all right," Hayley said. I rushed down the hallway, ignoring the fact that Nurse Hayley called Stevie by her real name, which she hates. I fumbled the doorknob to 305 until it opened, and rushed to the bed. Stevie was asleep, heavy gauze wrapped around her shoulder to quench the blood flow. Soft snores came from her, and I seemed to get lost in the affection and respect I had for her.

"I'm so glad you're okay," I whispered, placing a kiss on her forehead. She winced a little, opening her eyes sleepily. She quickly shut them, then slowly opened them again until I could see all of her hazel orbs. They betrayed a deep wariness of people. She immediately shrank back into her blanket, her eyes wide and terrified. I felt my heart drop. She was so scared she saw me as a threat. I reached out a hand to stroke her hair. She flinched away.

"Stevie," I murmured, sitting down on the white chair next to her bed. "I love you so much."

That seemed to unlock the Stevie I knew and loved, because she slithered out of the blanket and stretched out a pale, unsteady hand to rest it on mine. Our eyes locked, and now hers shone with deep compassion, not terror. She pulled her hand off of mine, pointing at my forehead.

"You okay?" she asked softly. My hand flew up to my forehead, finding it wet and sticky. I pulled it down. A scarlet liquid covered my fingertips. Now that I was looking, I realized that my arms were littered with fresh bruises. Shock filled me, as I was just realizing the injuries. But since I couldn't show Stevie that I was scared (it might set her off, she was really on edge) I shrugged.

"Just as long as you are," I said.

"You're such a sap," Stevie replied. Her face then grew serious. "You won't be like my father when we have Alexia, right?"

Something inside me lit up. Joy filled my soul. Saying that meant we'd have kids. Which meant we'd get married. Which meant we'd be together for the rest of our lives. I kissed her on the lips.

"Of course sweetie. I love everything you do," I said.

"You're not planning to do that until you're married, right?" I spun around.

"Dad!" I yelled. My dad put up his hands. I heard Stevie whimper a little, and I took her hand and rubbed my thumb over her knuckles. "Now you've scared her. Fantastic." I went on to sit in her bed, letting her bury her head into my chest. I rubbed her back, trying to coax her out of her paranoia. My dad stood there silently, giving us space. Good. He's already messed up a lot of things.

After a million kisses, reality checks, and a hallucination, Stevie finally calmed down again and let my dad come up beside us. She tensed up a little, but I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and she seemed fine.

When Stevie was sedated again for surgery, my dad sat in the waiting room while I paced. I knew Stevie would be okay, but I was genuinely terrified for her. Just knowing how she feels about other people scares me, but also the fact that after all she's been through, she's been left vulnerable and paranoid.

My dad told me he called the cops earlier. I was relieved that Stevie wouldn't have to suffer anymore, but scared to see her reaction. Would she shut down? She probably would. I don't want her to be afraid. I want her to be herself again. Just like when we were little.

I sat down on a chair next to my dad, thinking about my future with Stevie. I can see us now, with an older Lulu and two little girls siting on the floor. Stevie's baking a cake, and I'm working at the table with Lulu sitting on my lap. The two girls – who look oddly alike – are playing with dolls on the rug of the kitchen. I know one of them is Alexia, but I don't know who the other girl is. Common sense tells me that they're twins.

I was knocked out of my thoughts when a nurse came out of the room and came over.

"Hi, are you Stevanna's guardian?" she asked my dad.

"Yes," my dad said. Well, he will be in an hour or so.

"We have some… _interesting_ information about her."


	22. How to Rock a Hospital Disaster

Terror rooted itself in my heart as I clawed around in the darkness. My limbs thrashed around, but they could not clear up the black nothingness my world had become. I vaguely remembered Zander and his dad, and my shoulder feeling so _useless _but I couldn't piece it all together.

I was trapped in a never-ending nightmare. The worst part was that I couldn't wake up.

As I fought the darkness, I could hear people talking. They sounded worried.

My head was pounding. I felt sharp pains in my shoulder. It felt horrible. I wanted to feel whole again, to feel like I was free. But that was impossible, because after all of this darkness clears up I'll be back at home with my drunken dad and my two brothers Harry and Patrick.

I vaguely remembered Harry's death and Patrick's leave.

_There is nothing left._

I still needed to go rescue Zander from my dad. I think I remember him being captured and held hostage, but I'm not sure. I could really use a hug. I longed for him to wrap his arms around me. He was the only thing that made me see the difference between reality and fantasy. He's the only thing that keeps me alive.

_Zander isn't here anymore._

I've seen things a fifteen-year-old girl like me shouldn't have. I've felt things not many people can relate to. I've been through hell and back again, felt like a piece of crap left on this earth to rot. Useless. Lied to. Scarred. Named. Bitchy. Cruel.

_All I know is pain._

I'm a wreck. My head's a mess of lies. What in those lies is real?

My thoughts are jumbled in my brain. I hear more words, but I can't make sense of them.

I have mixed memories rushing through my head. Flashbacks of my dad grinding on several innocent people, ranging in age from 56 – 15.

Marissa, the cat woman.

Nelly, the tomboy.

Brittany, the Goth.

Carol, the singer.

Holly. Brenda. Jess. Tessie. Georgia.

Rebecca. Katherine. Stephanie. Callista. Mara.

Patricia. Yolanda. Pam. Samantha. Jade.

Me.

As the dark nothingness filled my throat, I started listing more things to keep organized.

Kacey likes Tony Cardella. Real or not real?

Nelson and Kacey have the same birthday. Real or not real?

Gravity 5's best friend is Molly. Real or not real?

Grace is my friend. Real or not real?

Zander loves me. Real or not real?

I try to scream, but that lets in more of the blackness. It strangles me, chokes me. I make no sound. I feel nothing. I hear what sounds like Zander sobbing. I try to fight my way to the surface of this black world, but it just sucks me back inside. I try to yell for him, but the darkness shoves itself deeper in my throat.

_I'm terrified._

I try to focus on good things in life, but I find none except for Zander. He's crying. I try to move my hand to show him I'm there for him, but I don't know where he is, and it feels like such an effort.

I've finally realized that I'm never going to come out of this blackness, and I tell myself to stop fighting it and give up.

_I can't tell reality from lies anymore._

_Kacey kissed my boyfriend._

_My mother died in a fire._

_My brother was murdered._

_My three other brothers left._

_My dad raped me._

_I ache all over._

_My name is Stevie Baskara. I'm only positive of one thing._

_I want to die._

_-/-\\\-_

Stevie's hospital bed stood next to me as I cried my heart out. She was still in a medical sleep, so she didn't know the horrors looming over her.

How could it have taken me so long to realize? Surely, common sense should've told me that if she was raped, she was sure to have a child.

Dad came over to me to comfort me, but I couldn't let myself be comforted. He suggested I should call my friends to tell them, and did. The Perfs already told everyone, so it shouldn't come as a surprise. So I called Gravity 5 to come, since Gravity 5 was pretty much Stevie's only friends.

Nelson drove Kevin, who had a berry smoothie in his hand, Kacey and Grace _(really? Grace?) _here.

"Grace and I are dating," Nelson said quickly. I nodded. Kacey came over and started rubbing my back while Kevin handed me the smoothie. Nelson sat next to me with Kevin and Kacey, staring at Stevie. Grace went over to Stevie, who was still asleep, and started singing.

"_Just close your eyes  
>The sun is going down<br>You'll be alright  
>No one can hurt you now<br>Come morning light  
>You and I'll be safe and sound."<em>

I never knew Grace was Stevie's friend. Or that she could sing so well. Life never fails to impress me.

Between Kevin and Nelson being able to crack a few jokes, despite the situation, and Grace singing rounds of Taylor Swift and Avril Lavigne (she was on "Alice" by Avril Lavigne now) I was cooling off and letting myself be comforted. Kacey was running her mouth about Stevie's wedding dress (apparently Kacey can predict the future) and nail design (though Stevie wouldn't like that and neither would I – that stuff smells horrible!). Just as I started to calm down, Hayley announced something terrifying.

"She should've awakened by now."


	23. How to Rock Terror and Hell

As the news that Hayley said sunk in, many of us did something strange.

Grace made a sound that was no normal scream/gasp/cry that came from the lungs.

Nelson and Kevin did one of those "dun, dun, duuunnnn!"s. Then they gasped.

Kacey and my father wept a little. My dad's a total nub.

I, however, crumbled. I think I blacked out, but a few seconds later I woke up to wetness on my forehead and everyone surrounding me. I shook the fog out of my head as I tried to recollect what was happening, taking a wet cloth off my head and standing up.

Okay, so Stevie's dad abused her, raped her; she fainted of blood loss, is pregnant and probably fell into a coma. Wait, _coma_?

"Will she be okay?" I asked, my voice finally working.

"We don't know. Her body is giving in to the drugs we put her on. If we let her sleep, she'll fall into a coma," Hayley said. "But if we wake her up she'd be in pain."

"I want to be the first face she sees," I said, getting up and sitting next to Stevie's bed. Hayley shook her. After a few minutes Stevie blinked her eyes open, moaning in pain. I wiped a few strands of hair off her face as she stared up at me, her eyes clouded with pain and wariness. She didn't move. She didn't speak.

Grace rushed over to the bed, yelling Stevie's name. Stevie recoiled.

"Don't scare her," I whispered to Grace. She nodded. My dad and the rest of Gravity 5 came over to the bed. Stevie shrank lower into the blanket.

"Stevie, are you okay?" Nelson asked carefully. There was no answer.

"Are you guys hungry?" I asked. "Maybe you should find a snack machine or something." Taking the hint, everyone left, even the nurse. I sat on the end of the bed, looking sympathetically at Stevie. She shivered.

"Stevie," I murmured. "Why am I so stupid? I should've called the cops sooner. I should've called them when I realized you were abused."

No answer.

"Stevie, you're pregnant," I whispered. "I know you don't want it. Should I call for abortion?"

No reply. I'm worried.

"Stevie, answer me," I begged. "Please?"

She's keeping a silent vigil. Why?

"So… abortion?" I asked. When I got no answer, I reached out to hold Stevie's hand. She didn't let me. "Stevie, I love you. You know I wouldn't hurt you, right?"

Not even that could break her silence. I dropped my head, trying to fight back tears. We came so far, and now it's all falling apart. I sat back on the chair, letting a few tears seep out of my eyes.

We did decide to have the abortion. I didn't want her to go through all that pain, but I'll admit she's a wreck. In her state, she could never take care of a child, especially if it was her dad's.

She must be terrified.

/-|**SwitchPOVSwitch**|-\\

It barely registered in my mind what Zander told me.

He said something about abortion… I can't remember what that is off the top of my head. I can't remember much of anything – my mind is clouded with so much terror I can't think straight.

Before the abortion, everyone left except Kacey. I wondered why. Then she started speaking, and I hugged my knees, trying not to think about the life that was about to be removed.

"Listen, Stevie," Kacey started. "I know that the last time you saw me, I was kissing your boyfriend and being a jerk. I'm really sorry. I guess I just let my emotions get ahead of me. But now I know that I could never have Zander as a boyfriend. He loves you. You are perfect for him. And he really loves you Stevie. With all his heart. He wishes you could see that."

I said nothing.

"On a totally unrelated note, Zevie for the win! Can I do your hair and makeup for your wedding?" Kacey said. I flinched into my blanket when she shouted. Wait, what was Zevie? I couldn't wrap my brain around it. "Okay," Kacey said quietly, walking out of the room. I'm glad she left. I want to be alone.

Soon after a nurse came over with a shot in her hand. Immediately it clicked in my brain. I'd be shot into another coma again. The nurse must have sensed my tenseness, because she soothingly told me to relax. I did the opposite. I started fidgeting, trying to keep her away from me. She couldn't put me into another coma. She just couldn't.

The nurse called for Zander. Zander came in. The minute our eyes locked, I felt something pinch my arm, and the world went black.

A few minutes later, the black haze cleared up. In front of me was a large gate to a black tunnel. Something powerful forced me to walk through it and walk straight in.

After a few minutes of walking, I saw fire. Lots and lots of fire. Dead souls seemed to float around me, taunting me, telling me how horrible I am, urging me to go forward into a fire-lit cave. I wondered where I was. But as I neared the end of the passage, I saw something terrifying.

A large, ugly, red brute. Red horns. Fangs. It was human, but creature. Fantasy, but real.

The devil himself was standing before me in the fire pits of hell.


	24. How to Rock Depression

**Hey! I've risen from the dead!**

**Yeah, sorry bout that. Writer's block is brutal, my teachers are either in a bad mood or pregnant (the angry kind), and dance classes… well, you don't need to know about that. But anyway, since I've lost inspiration, this chapter might be a little short.**

**On a totally unrelated note, school lets out for me in 2 weeks! Thank God. School sucks. Social studies is killing me. But I have risen, and so yah…**

**-…-…..-…..-…-…..-**

After a period of time (none of us could remember how long it had been) my dad and I took Stevie home.

She was so scared it broke my heart.

She never spoke, and spent most of her time hiding in small, tight spaces. Sometimes they were easy to find, like on the window seat in the living room. Other times it was harder, like when she hid in my dad's closet. The only way we found her was when he went to get his shoes for work.

I always offered her food. She never took it.

I'm super worried. She's not responding to me. She's not eating. I know this is all from mental trauma, but it's really unhealthy. My dad keeps track of her while I'm at school against my will. I always come home to the same news.

"She's still hiding."

I sighed, keeping my head down as I shuffled into my room to change into PJs. Stevie was missing so much, and the school year was nearly over. I want her to be like the old Stevie – sly, cunning, but sweet and lovable and open and just plain _her_.

When I had stripped and was searching around for PJs, I heard a gasp. I spun around, seeing Stevie crawl out from behind the door and slink off to another hiding spot. I instantly felt guilty, changed quickly, and ran off to find her.

"Stevie!" I called softly. I looked around, checking all of my dad's room, the kitchen, and the bathroom. I found her behind the couch in the living room. I knelt down near the opening, keeping my gaze soft. "Stevie," I murmured. She kept a wary stare on me, the kind that seems to burn into your soul and haunts you.

"Stevie, don't you remember me? I'm Zander. I wouldn't hurt you," I said, cautiously reaching out a hand. She backed away from it. Knowing that this was her warning sign, I sighed, got up, and went to the kitchen where Dad was writing something.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I'm filing for divorce," Dad said. "Your mom was released… I love her very much, but I saw her the other day with another man. I think she's moved on, and it's time I do so too."

"Oh," I said softly, tears threatening to spill. "Stevie's scared of me. I feel so bad."

"It's not your fault. She's been through a lot," Dad said. "But I will say that if she doesn't get food in her system soon, she will have to go back to the hospital."

"But she can't handle that. She can barely cope with our house anymore," I said.

"I know. But Stevie needs to eat. Have you noticed how gaunt she looks?" Dad asked.

"Well, yes, more so than usual," I murmured.

"Zander, I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep her alive. I hope you know I'm not trying to be a bad person. Honestly I wasn't so sure about her, but she's definitely grown on me. And if she makes you happy, I'll pitch in the money to help her." My dad grabbed a plum from the fruit basket on the counter. "Try to give this to her."

"Thanks," I said, taking the plum. I went back over to where Stevie was still hiding, kneeling down again. She backed away a little. My heart seemed to break for the terrified girl who once fully trusted me.

"Stevie," I whispered, holding the plum out to her. She just stared at it like something would jump out of it and hurt her. "Please eat." I got no answer. Stevie didn't move a muscle. I half-heartedly put the plum down and got up. I needed to do my homework.

-/-||-\\-

Gravity 5 (or most of us anyway) got together after school the next day to practice for the performance I booked us. Kevin, Nelson, Kacey, and Grace (she's slowly unlatching herself from Molly to hang with us) could tell how depressed I was. Grace even told Molly to lay off for a while.

"So, do you like the color I painted my nails?" Kacey asked, showing us all her nails. Ocean blue. Stevie's favorite color.

"Uh, sure?" Kevin asked. Kacey gave him "The Look" and he shrugged.

"Okay, we need to all snap out of it people! I know Stevie's… ill, but we still have school and work and the band. We can't spend our days sulking around doing nothing!" Kacey cried.

"Stevie's not ill," I argued weakly. Kacey gave me a look of pity. _She doesn't think Stevie's gonna get better._

"Has she spoken yet?" Grace asked. A few times I've brought her to my house so she could see Stevie, so she knows that Stevie's still depressed. I shook my head and Grace's gaze dropped.

"How's Molly?" Kacey asked.

"Why do you wanna know?" Grace asked, panicky.

"Just wondering," Kacey said.

"She's… good…" Grace said slowly.

"Grace, you got kicked out, didn't you?" Nelson asked. Grace nodded hesitantly, and Nelson went over to hug her. Grace's insecurity reminded me of Stevie. _She's fine, _I assured myself,_ her dad's locked up in jail – he can't punch her around anymore. _In truth, I was just hanging onto a hope that Stevie was all right.

Right?


	25. How to Rock New Beginnings

**(A:N)/ Someone reminded me that when I first started this story, I said it'd only be about four chapters long. Wow.**

_All these words… they make no sense…_

_Wish that I could find a way to disappear…_

_I'm about to break…_

I hear Zander talking to me. I feel his sorrow, his terror. But I don't speak. There's nothing to say.

My mind feels hijacked. Nightmares crawl in my vision every night, especially the one where I walk into Hell. That one and the one where my father kills me and Zander are the worst ones.

I'm starving. I'm hungrier than I've ever been in my entire life. The pains, the headaches… I almost need to remind myself why I'm doing this.

It's because I've got nothing to live for.

I don't know what's real anymore. I simply hide from my fear.

Oddly enough, I'm craving Zander's touch.

I want him to love me. I just have no idea how to tell him.

I've never wanted to be loved. I didn't think love existed. People just get inside your head, make you love them, then turn around and start punching you around, renaming you to bitch and deserting you. Love is a lie.

But not Zander's love.

Zander's love is tender and sweet. I know him too well and I know he wouldn't hurt me.

But is that true?

I'm desperate for love. I can't stand it. I need Zander's love.

I see him now, kneeling down to look at me underneath his bed – the only reason I was under there was because his ukulele was under there and he normally played it after school. I'm not even sure how I fit under there. I've always been small and thin but I've never fit under a bed.

"Stevie," Zander murmured. I could clearly see depression flash before his eyes. Did I do something wrong? "Hang on, I'll be right back."

This was not going as planned! I had what I'd say all planned out in my head. What if Zander was calling my father?

Okay, common sense Stevie… Zander wouldn't do that to me. I know he wouldn't. I jumped a little when he appeared again, holding an apple.

"Please eat," he begged. I froze. I was so hungry… "I'm not gonna hurt you."

"I know."

Zander's eyes widened in astonishment. I was even surprised by my own words, but I wormed out from under the bed. Self-consciously I knew how disgusting I probably looked, with greasy, matted hair and clothes I had worn for a long time, but Zander didn't seem to care. He just seemed to be happy I was speaking again. I sat down next to him, and he pulled me close.

"I missed you," he whispered. I smiled a little as he kissed me on my cheek.

"I missed you too," I rasped.

/-||-\ \

After I had showered, changed clothes, brushed my teeth, and made myself look a lot less disgusting, I came back out to the kitchen where Zander had a large sandwich sitting on a plate, which I devoured. He looked amused.

When his dad came home, he looked surprised to see me.

We ate dinner, and Zander and I watched "Mall Cop." We didn't speak, because we both didn't want to talk about what happened. I guess we were just enjoying each other's company.

We did, however, end up talking about it at 9:00 at night.

I was curled up in my special place against Zander's chest, my eyes closed, happy to be sleeping in a bed, when Zander suddenly turned the lights back on. I groaned in response.

"Stevie," he said. I opened one eye and "hmm"ed in response. "Never do anything like that again, do you understand me?"

"Yeah," I murmured, closing my open eye.

"I'm serious Stevie. I love you and you know it. Do you have any idea how scared I was? You were about to die Stevie."

"Well, I'm alive now, so I guess it really doesn't matter," I said.

"It matters to me," Zander said harshly. I winced. "You almost died! Your dad almost killed you! Does that scare you just a little?"

"I guess…"

"What do you mean, 'I guess?' That's truly terrifying. Don't you know that?

"I'm sorry," I said in barely a whisper. I was holding back tears.

\-/

School the next day sucked. I was so far behind that I had homework up to my ears, but Zander helped me. And of course the teachers made me sit through extra lessons.

Of course everyone asked where I was. The Perfs teased me about my little "situation" but I didn't really care. Honestly, I could've laughed. After all I've been through, they have the nerve to try and put me down?

Grace and I are very close. No one really saw it coming. But because of our friendship, Molly kicked Grace out of the Perfs.

As she was crying on her bed and I was next to her, rubbing circles on her back; I returned what she did to me in my weakest moment.

"_If you ever feel neglected,  
>If you think all is lost,<br>I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,  
>Hoping everything's not lost.<br>When you thought that it was over,  
>You could feel it all around,<br>Everybody's out to get you,  
>Don't you let it drag you down.<br>Cos if you ever feel neglected,  
>If you think that all is lost,<br>I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,  
>Hoping everything's not lost"<em>

**This is possibly the last chapter.**


	26. How to Rock an Epilogue (hopefully)

**Since you're all COMPLAINING about how my story ending wasn't good enough for ya, I just decided to do a filler for you.**

**Cuz apparently it's you, not me. Lol. You know I love ya. But seriously I was gonna do this but then I never came back to it.**

**-/-**

Three weeks have passed. Three long, tedious weeks. Stevie's father was still in jail and Stevie was caught up with school. I was laying in the band room when it happened.

Nelson and Kevin were sitting on the couch and I was kind of slumping on the arm chair close to the door. Grace and Kacey came running in the room, both terrified.

"Guys, have you seen Stevie?" Kacey asked. I leapt to my feet.

"No, why, is she okay?" I asked. My stomach was lodged in my throat. What if something bad happened? Was she hurt?

"I don't know. But she texted us saying we needed to meet her in the alley behind school right away!" Grace looked flustered. "Nelly, what if her dad hurt her again?" Nelson went over to her and kissed her cheek.

"It's okay Gracie," Nelson said softly. "I'm sure she's fine." Grace smiled.

"We still need to hurry!" I reminded them. We all rushed out the door.

When we got to the alley I saw Stevie curled up next to the dumpster, crying. I sat down next to her, letting her collapse into my arms while she sobbed herself out.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I asked her when she was done.

"My dad escaped prison. He's searching for me right now!" she said quietly.

"Baby…" I cooed, stroking her hair and hugging her close. "Don't worry; I promise that while the police are looking for him I'll protect you. And I promise I won't ever stop loving you." Everyone came over and sat around us.

"And we promise to be there for you," Grace said.

"Thanks," Stevie said with a small smile.

**Good enough? Good. Happy New Year peeps.**

**Now that this is supposedly finished (unless you people DEMAND more) I have like five other stories to finish. Love ya!**

**Peace, love, and cutie marks!**

***wrong subject***


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